The Tradition Edition

Traditions have always been a huge part of my life and something I hold quite dear to me. In fact, as a young child, if a tradition was interrupted in any way I may have thrown a minor tantrum. Messing with my traditions (especially around the holidays) was not something I took lightly. Perhaps that is because my mother always made sure that holidays were special. Christmas was no exception. For the better part of my young life, I knew what to expect out of Christmas - whether spent in Florida or Alabama. It was always spent with my grandparents whether we went to Alabama the day we got out of school for break or they drove down to Florida. We always baked oatmeal scotchies and tried unsuccessfully to keep my grandpa out of the kitchen during the process (and away from the cookie jar thereafter). The tree would be LOADED with gifts and I always took the liberty of counting how many gifts I had. Hey, what kid doesn't?

Christmas Eve was usually spent at a Christmas Eve candlelight service followed by driving around looking at lights. I used to love driving around the historic section of Hartselle or Decatur to admire their classy decor. We'd usually have some delicious finger foods accompanied by hot chocolate Christmas Eve night and then we would exchange gifts among each other. Christmas Day was usually reserved for the Littles - which for the longest time was just me. "Santa's" gifts would be wrapped under the tree, stockings would be full to overflowing, and a delicious breakfast would be made.

We would spend the day with each other, figuring out the gifts we received, playing with new toys, and simply having a great time. As years went on, we sometimes added baking a small birthday cake and singing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus.

I've carried on the tradition of making homemade sourdough bread. My mom used to make it every year when I was younger and when I got married, I took the tradition over. There's something special about that first batch of bread fresh out of the oven.

There are many traditions that we have decided to start as our own little family and I'm so excited about them. We did start the Elf on the Shelf but it's turned into more of a prolonged "hide and seek" and just something fun we do for Gabe. He enjoys looking for him each morning. We don't tell him that he'll go tell Santa about his behavior and we don't do the whole "Santa won't bring gifts if you're bad" deal. It's not about that. He will get gifts because he is loved. Simple. Jesus gave us the gift of Himself and salvation simply because we are loved. It has nothing to with how good or bad we are. We are also going to leave a "Santa sack" on Christmas Eve under the tree full of toys for other underprivileged kids so Santa can take it with him. I think we may tweak the Santa story a bit and tell him that Santa actually relies on us to help him get gifts to those who wouldn't otherwise get gifts on Christmas.

We started one Christmas book a night on the 1st but that hasn't quite worked out the way I anticipated. And you know what? That's okay. Sometimes things don't turn out the way we plan around the holidays and it's important to remember that ultimately, it's not about making everything perfect. It's about being together. Sometimes cats will get their fur all over your tree skirt and sometimes presents won't be wrapped perfectly and Christmas lights will burn out (evidenced by our currently half-lit tree at the moment), and occasionally the busyness of the season will completely overwhelm you and cause you to turn into this raging, moody person that you do not recognize or like very much. It's then that you have to stop and remember: none of that really matters. Jesus matters. Jesus who came as a baby and 33 years later died for us - despite our selves. It all boils down to Jesus. Just Jesus. He's the reason....not just for the season, but for each day of the year.

What I think I love most about Christmas time is that the rest of society tends to join in with the giving and the sharing and the caring and the loving more so than the rest of the year. For a few weeks, it seems like the world is sort of how it should be. And then the packages are opened, lights come down, trees get packed away or thrown on the front lawn and people go back to their normal selves. That's why I hate to see Christmas leave. If only the Spirit of Christmas would last all year through - - - that would be a tradition worth fretting over. 

So while you celebrate with friends and family and enjoy the company of the people you love most, remember that it's not about wrapped presents, twinkling lights, St. Nick, or snowmen - it's about Jesus. The other stuff is great and fun and I'm totally into all of it - but it's all about Jesus - all year through. 

Thought this said it perfectly.

Image retrieved from www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

A Season of Thanks

We hosted Thanksgiving at our house for the first time in a long time. Our first year we were married we hosted it but it was just my mom and my Pop & Nana. This year, I didn't spend it with any of my family, which is odd. Felt weird not seeing them or even my mother at all. But, despite the change in venue and company, it was a really nice time. We hosted for hubby's family, although I don't feel like I did much. My mother-in-law did most of the cooking at her place. I just made the mac-n-cheese (which apparently wasn't cheesy enough for my crazy picky brother in law-ha!), baked the homemade sourdough bread, and hubby made a melt-in-your-mouth delicious pumpkin cheesecake.

We had a ton of food and quite a few laughs. Then my b-i-l and s-i-l willingly took our boy with them to see her side of the family which gave hubby and I a chance to try our hand at Black Friday  Thursday shopping. I have to admit, I was a bit nervous standing in the 18 mile long line outside of Toys-R-Us. I swore a few years ago that I would NEVER do Black Friday shopping again. And then....I had a kid. Oh, the things we do for our children.

We had a very specific door-buster item we were getting and thankfully I snagged a ticket for it before even entering the doors so all I had to do was maneuver the throngs of people to find the other items I was searching for. Thank God for bonus checks! This is the first Christmas that our boy understands what it's all about pretty much and it's also the first Christmas that we've actually been able to afford stuff. I am so super stoked. I'm excited to start new traditions this year and I so cannot wait to see his precious little face on Christmas morning when he sees what he has under the tree! That's part of the magic...the littles!

This whole season, while it can become stressful and busy and filled with way too many things than one can truly accomplish, is exciting to me. My husband and I love this time of year - everything about it. 

It's the season of shopping and spending.
It's the season of giving and receiving.
It's the season of sleigh bells and twinkling lights.
But most importantly for me, it's the season of thanks.

Oh, my....I have so much for which to be thankful. 

I am most thankful for the fact that I have a Savior Who willingly came down from Heaven and was born as a little baby to be my King and one day die for me. I mean, WOW! Talk about humbled!

I have so many blessings in my life and if I tried to name them all, you would be reading forever. 

It's easy to get overwhelmed by the small, minute, honestly insignificant details that go along with this season but I encourage you to keep in mind the real reason. Thanksgiving is not just a meal. It's not just the day before big shopping (or I suppose now the day OF). It's not just one day out of the year. It encompasses the beauty of what this season and our entire lives should be about: being thankful for what we have and who we get to share it with.

Retrieved from: www.metrolifechurch.com

A Parental Confession

Let me preface the following sentence with a disclaimer: it is the understatement of a lifetime.

Being a parent is tough.

That tiny little statement does not even breach the reality of what being a parent is all about and how tough our jobs are.

Parenting period is no small task...but parenting a toddler? It is not for the faint of heart. Apparently, I was a fairly easy child and did not have the terrible two or three tantrums like I am being blessed with as a parent myself right now. Don't get me wrong...I love that little boy of mine with every fiber of my being. But sometimes, I simply don't know.

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.
I don't know if I'm saying the right thing.
I don't know if I'm disciplining in the right way.
I don't know if I'm showing him enough affection and attention.
I don't know if he comprehends how much I truly do love him.
I don't know if I am a good enough mother.

And there you have it. What is "good enough?" Our society seems to be overrun with "mother wars" as I like to call them.

Breastfeed vs. formula
Cloth diaper vs. disposables
Co-sleep vs. independent sleeping
Cry-it-out vs. on demand
All natural everything vs. convenience
Santa vs. no Santa
Vaccinate vs. no vaccinate
Spanking vs. no spanking
Circumcision vs. no circumcision
Stay at home vs. working mom


This list of arguments goes on and on. As mothers, we are the quickest to judge another mother who does things differently than we do. That's why it is so hard to take advice from others these days. Because if you're doing it one way and you seek advice from someone who does it differently, 9 times out of 10, they are going to make you feel inferior. They are going to make it sound like you have been neglecting your child or not raising them properly. In a really nasty nutshell, you'll end up feeling like a bad parent.

But why should you? Do you love your child? Do you provide them with the care they need? Do you feed and clothe them? Do you spend quality time learning about them and teaching them the skills they need to be successful? Isn't that what being a parent is all about?

Am I a bad parent because I only fed him breast milk for the first few months and then went to formula or because I use disposable diapers or because I don't allow him to sleep in bed with us or since I did use a form of cry-it-out or because I tend to buy what's convenient or because I'm going to allow my son to believe in Santa or since we vaccinated him or because we didn't circumcise him or because we do spank him or because I work away from home?

Does any of that make me a "bad parent?" Or make my husband and I bad parents? No. It makes us parents that try to do things that will work for our family. Everyone is different. Every child is different. And everyone is entitled to their own strong opinions as well as making informed decisions. Would I do things a little differently knowing what I know now? Certainly. But I have no regrets.

My number one prayer is that we cultivate the love of God and the love of people in the heart of that precious boy that has been entrusted to us. I pray that he will learn the importance of forgiveness, serving others, and unconditional love from both his father and myself.

If you do things differently, I'm happy for you. If it works for you, then keep on keeping on. Instead of bashing the decisions of other mothers or fathers, we should support them when they are struggling. Instead of saying, "You should do it this way," maybe we should try, "Well this worked well for me. You could try it and see."

I'm tired of seeing the "mommy wars" on facebook and in magazines. We are so judgmental of others - myself included. Let parents be parents - if it's not emotionally, physically, or otherwise hurting the child, let it be. Let's support each other and uplift each other.

My confession to you is that I don't have it all together as a mom. I certainly don't have all the answers. But guess what? Neither do the rest of the parents out there. It's okay to question if you're doing everything right by your child. It's natural. Healthy, even, I would venture. But don't let that stand in the way of standing your ground on how you choose to raise your child. And definitely don't let anyone tell you you're wrong.

The End.

Photo retrieved from www.christianitytoday.com - It's such a great reminder!

The Confession Sessions

Sometimes I think it's a good idea to just sit down and write out a list of confessions. So, in good fun, here are my top 10 confessions as of right now (listed 10-1):

10. I hate yogurt. Like seriously...I have tried multiple flavors. I can't do it. I WANT to like it. I really do. But it's icky. 

9. I love frozen yogurt. Now that is my type of "yogurt." My favorite indulgence is a spontaneous trip to Gelati Joe's for a Snow Yo or to Froyoz for a cup full of flavor and toppings. 

8. I actually watch the shows my son watches...even the ones I've seen over and over. Is there something wrong with me?

7. I'm a rule follower. Seriously, I don't like to break rules and have minor internal melt downs if I find out I've broken a rule. 

6. Number 7 does not apply to the speed limit. That's a rule I generally don't mind breaking...from time to time. :)

5. I'd really like to a run a 5K. I'd really like to be able to run a 5K without any training at all. Possible? Um, no...I'm not crazy. I just want to mark that off my list and I don't want to have to prepare for it. Wah!

4. I have bought 2 bags of assorted chocolate candy bars for my students. I'm on the 2nd bag and I think I can count on 2 hands the amount of candy my students have actually eaten. GET IT OUT OF MY DRAWER!!!

3. When we don't have extra money to spend, I want to spend it. When we do have extra money to spend, I don't want to spend it. Does this strike anyone else as odd and backwards?

2. I wonder how long it will take me to truly realize that half the stuff I pin on pinterest I will never do.  

1. I'm a really good procrastinator...like, I might be the best in the business. Except, I'm starting to feel the effects...which means I probably need to stop doing this right now and go get stuff done. 

The End. 

Image retrieved from "GoogleImages"

The Devil's D List

"He prowls around like a lion, seeking whom he may devour."

The devil. Did you know he has a "D List?" Well, he does.

We've just started a study in our small group called "Twisting the Truth" which has us diving into the unseen spiritual world, an often-times scary place. As the bible says, we don't fight against flesh and bone but against the evil spirits of this world.

We took a pretty close look at the enemy himself as described in the bible on Saturday night and seeing some of the scripture through a different pair of eyes made for some pretty frightening revelations. Satan has been given this world. For now, of course. We know Who wins in the end. But nonetheless, it makes it no less horrifying that we have to live in a world that is basically ruled by our enemy. Thinking about it sends chills up my spine.

Thankfully, we have been given tools to keep him from overpowering us. The Word of God, our Salvation, the Holy Spirit, prayer! Oh, there is so much power in prayer.

With that said though, we still have to be alert and vigilant because the top thing on his "D List" is deception. He will twist anything he can, ever so subtly to make you believe it. This is how he worms his way in and the deceiving begins. In our discussion Saturday night, we came up with a small list of things that this deception causes, and as the week progressed, my husband and I have been coming up with more.

In the church, deception causes dissension and division.
In marriages it causes divorce.
In individuals it causes drama, delusion, and can be the catalyst for drug use and drunkenness.
In Christians, it causes doubt.
He goes to work in people to cause depression and despair.
All over the world, the devil's "D List" is taking over minds, hearts, marriages, churches. Any little door he sees cracked open, he will slither his way into and then squeeze the very life out of his prey! He is the prince of darkness. His ultimate goal? DEATH & DESTRUCTION!

Not necessarily physical death, although that can certainly be part of it. But he calls for a spiritual death - a death much worse than anything physical might cause. The death and destruction of your own soul...

It sounds far-fetched right? Except that this is exactly what so many people are allowing to happen to their own lives. Look at America. Look at our government. Look at your neighbors or just take a walk in a mall somewhere or Wal-Mart. Good grief! People are being devoured by the devil. He's running and ruining their finances, their relationships, their thoughts, their actions, their marriages, their children.

But you know what? As children of the One True King, we have the power to stop it. We forget about this power too often. You know what the Bible says? It says, "Resist the devil and he will flee." Not, he might flee or he'll consider fleeing, or even he'll take a few steps back. No, HE WILL FLEE!! When we step up and demand his exit, he has no choice. He has to go! He has to run and retreat back to where he came from. Unfortunately, after a while, as we let our guard down, he will return and try again - sometimes the same tactic, sometimes a different one. But remember that power we have! Use that power!

Friends, it's time we take his D List and we shred it! Let's make our own:
-Desire for God
-Digging into His Word
-Dying to ourselves
-Delighting in Him
-Dressed with the full armor


Can you think of others? Let's combat his list with one longer! Share some items from a new D List that you can use to DEFEAT him!

We will overcome through the Overcomer! 

Image from www.reversingverses.com

Being the Breadwinner

Being the sole financial provider is tough. Knowing that it's your paycheck alone that pays the bills and keeps food on the table is stressful. Even in our society today that pushes feminism and gender equality, it is still unusual to find a woman being the provider for her household (except in single mom cases). Rarely still do you see an intact family unit with a strong marriage where the man stays home and the woman works. Yet, that is what our family looks like. Now let me be clear: this is not by choice. My husband is by no means a "dead-beat." He would work if his body were in the shape it needs to be to allow that. Unfortunately, arthritic pain keeps him from holding a paying job. I stress the term "paying" because let's face it: as a stay at home dad, he's got a full time job. 

With this strange "mix-up of roles" as some might call it, my sweet other half has struggled with not being a financial provider. I have tried to encourage him countless times that he provides in other very important and necessary ways - um, hello, you're raising our son and he's still alive when I get home. That's an accomplishment! He constantly shows me gratitude for being the one to work and "keep bread on the table." It is in this role that I find myself wondering...if roles were reversed...would I just take it for granted because "that's the way it should be" or would I appreciate him as much as I do now? I guess what I'm trying to get at is this: ladies that get to stay home or only have a part time job because your husband pays all the bills - APPRECIATE HIM! I have many friends that are stay at home moms...and God Bless you! There are days I'm not sure how even my husband does it. Yes, we are smack in the middle of that defiant, independent, ornery stage. But do you appreciate the simple fact that his paycheck pays the bills for you to have that opportunity? Just remember, it could be the opposite. 

And...with that said, I am completely and utterly grateful for the life God has blessed us with. Is it tough to live paycheck to paycheck? Sure. Do I sometimes wish he would experience healing so that he could get a job. Honestly, yes. But God has placed us in these roles for a reason and we have to be mindful not to whine about them or take each other for granted. He may not pay the bills but here's what he does do: takes care of our son each and every day, mows the lawn (even in pain), takes out the trash every week, cooks dinners, washes dishes, does his own laundry, and the list goes on. Sometimes I have to remind him of everything he does do - especially when he focuses too much on what he can't do. 

I also have to remind him...and myself...neither one of us are the true providers. God is. Always has been. Always will be. Not me, not hubby. HE is the PROVIDER. And He supplies all our needs. We may not have finished floors in our bedroom or Florida room, or a working AC unit right now, or a car that doesn't click and clack and squeal...but we have a roof over our heads, and a window unit that's kickin' out some pretty decent air, and the car runs and gets us from point A to point B...and we have each other. I remarked to him the other day that statistically, in relationships that don't put each other ahead of themselves, and don't have Christ as their center, we should have been done already. With all the marriages that end because of financial hardships, we should be finished. But, we're not. We're stronger than ever and with every trial and valley, we just get stronger. 

Being the breadwinner is tough. But realizing that God will always supply what we need and making sure we hold onto each other through whatever comes our way is vital to the peace we feel on a mostly daily basis. God blessed me with an amazing man and even though some may furrow their brow in confusion over why we can be so nonchalant about our situation, we know that God works all things together for good. No matter who the breadwinner is...

Hehe...thought this was cute. 

Image retrieved from www.brittanyherself.com

Daddy's Girl

I've been going through an internal struggle lately. Nothing I haven't experienced before, although I suppose if I'm really honest with myself, it is a bit different this time. Mostly because my feelings are different this time. This isn't an easy post to pen. It's not an easy topic for me, although I've been fairly open and transparent throughout my life about this topic. 

If you know me well at all, you know part of my story: I grew up without my father. And sadly, so goes the story of countless girls and boys all across the globe. So my story is not new. And this fact of my life, this sometimes tough to swallow fact of my life, is woven into every fiber of my being. It is part of me. And I suppose there were times in my life that I would have rather had a different story written for me. As a young girl, I would hear my little friends talk about how their dads did this or that and how their dads were their heroes and I would sit and wonder silently, "What's wrong with me? Why don't I deserve a dad like that?"

Oh, if I could go back in time and scoop lil ol' me up in my arms....the things I would say to her. I know the answers to these questions now. And even though I am a perfectly happy young woman with a beautiful family and a wonderful husband who is a fantastic father, as hard as I might try, it doesn't negate the pain and the hurt I felt as a young girl...and as a teenager...and at times, as a twenty-something. 

I'm going to be really brutally honest here...honest with you...honest with other important people in my life...honest with other individuals who may read this and wish to bury their heads in the sand. But most importantly, I'm being honest with me. 

I've been struggling with the idea of forgiveness. For years now I've thought that I had passed the forgiveness stage. But I also have held onto the one thing I remember vividly about forgiveness, the thing that became my mantra: Forgiveness does not equal trust. And that equated, for me, to: forgiveness does not equal letting said person back into your life. 

And I've been okay with that. But I had an honest talk with a good friend last week who has at times been my spiritual mother down here since unfortunately, the amazing woman who gave me life and raised me does not live here. She's the "tell it like it is, straight from the Bible, not gonna sugarcoat anything for you because I love you" type of person. She knows who she is. Did I like it? Absolutely not. But it's probably what I needed to hear in order to work through some of these feelings that apparently decide to rear their ugly heads at the most inopportune times. 

Each morning this week, I have turned off the radio in the car on the way to work and God and I have just talked. Sometimes in life, situations present themselves in which you really just have to wrestle it out with the Almighty. Well, we've been doin' some wrestlin'. I've been doing my best whiny, "But Goooood!" And He's been the ever so patient and loving Father whispering truth to my heart. When approaching the topic of forgiveness and trust, I threw that line in His face. "Forgiveness doesn't equal trust! Forgiveness doesn't mean I have to let him back in!" And a quiet voice whispered so softly I might have missed it if I wasn't listening at the time: "You're right, in many situations, that is true. A person might forgive her abuser but that doesn't mean she allows that person back into her life. But, My child, there are times where that is not always the case. Sometimes,  part of the forgiveness process requires you to allow that person back in and give them the chance to redeem themselves." Uck. NOT what I wanted to hear. 

You see, I've been perfectly content without that father-daughter relationship the last couple years. It's taken me a long time to get to this point and I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to give that contentment up. But there has been this nagging feeling for a while that maybe I'm missing something. Well, now I've realized, ultimately, it's not about me. It's not even about him. Now, I have a little boy in the picture. Now, I have a third party that is completely innocent in this whole thing. Would I be absolutely fine without ever introducing the two? Admittedly, yes. But as my dear friend put it ever so bluntly the other day for me, "What will you tell him when he's older and asks why he doesn't know his grandfather?" Ouch. And to put it plainly, I don't want that on me. This is a tough realization to come to. 

As I semi-cried into her shoulder while holding my precious toddler who was asking, "Mommy, what wrong?" I simply told her, "I've been down this road before. I know how it ends. More disappointment and more hurt. And I don't want my boy in the middle of it. He doesn't deserve that." I can't really tell you all that she said because I honestly don't remember it all but I know it was honest and it wasn't what I wanted to hear. I know I asked her why I even told her about this and she told me because what I really wanted was the truth and I knew she'd give it to me. Touche'. 

The question I've been pondering over and over is this: is it right for me to withhold my son from having a relationship with his grandfather simply because I'm not sure I want one with him? And my answer? Well, I'll let you know when I've finished wrestling it out with my Heavenly Daddy. 

You see, father or no father, I've always been a "Daddy's Girl." My Daddy just happens to have created the universe and breathed life into every living thing. My Daddy is constant. Unchanging. Always there. And even though His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts, I know that He always has my best interests in mind. He will always steer me in the right direction and if I listen closely enough, He will always tell me the right answer.

If this post sounds a bit rambly (yes I just made up a word), I apologize. There are certain things that I just have to write and pray through. Writing helps me sort out my feelings and at times understand myself better. Even as I sit here ready to end this post, I'm contemplating deleting the whole thing. I keep asking myself what I'm thinking by posting something so raw and honest. But sometimes that is what is needed for change or accountability. Please just do me a favor: pray for me? Pray that as I work through this struggle, that I would receive clarity and peace for whatever decision is made. I truly just want to follow Daddy's footsteps and listen to His voice alone.