Fireside Chats

Church was amazing (as usual) on Sunday. We've been in the middle of a series called "Setbacks," a topic to which I think every human on the planet can relate. We've all had setbacks of some kind or another. Our pastor said that you're either in one, coming out of one, or about to go into one. We've had our fair share in the last year and a half, that's for sure. But, Sunday, our youth pastor, Kevin, spoke about how "Christ's love propels us through the setbacks we create for ourselves." His illustration? Peter.

Oh, Peter. I think after this week I can relate even more to this disciple of Christ, the rock upon which Christ built the church. Peter was always speaking too soon or "sticking his foot in his mouth." Kevin called it "foot-in-mouth-itis." And oh, I've had that this week. I've come armed with the sword and cut off the ear too soon.  I've jumped out of the boat and walked on the sea toward my Jesus only to lose focus and begin sinking. I've  done a lot of things that Peter might do. But thank God, I have a Savior that still loves me and still sees fit to use me.

Even after Peter's rebuke of Jesus, even after his swift violence in the garden, even after his denial of the true Christ, Jesus still saw fit to use Peter...and use him He did. After Jesus' resurrection and before His ascension, in John 21, Peter and Jesus have a "fireside chat" one morning after a rough night of fishing. This is where He asks Peter three times, "Do you love me?" I can only imagine what that conversation must have been like for Peter...what it must have felt like to have your Savior ask you over and over if you love Him. By the 3rd time, Peter is "grieved." "Lord, You know all things. You know that I love You," Peter replies. Jesus again tells him to "feed my sheep" and after a few other statements, tells Peter "Follow me."

Kevin pointed out to us that each time Jesus addresses Peter in this passage, he calls him "Simon, son of John" instead of Peter. This is significant because it was as if Jesus was saying to Peter, "Let's start this over. You've done some boneheaded things and you've had some royal screw ups but you are still going to do great things in and through Me. So let's forget about all the rest and start from here. Forgetting the past, follow Me now." My Bible actually subtitles that portion of scripture, "Jesus Restores Peter."

Jesus and I have had some similar "fireside chats" of our own lately. He's asked repeatedly if I love Him, I've assured Him I do, and then He tells me something He desires of me. I agree but then go right back to my original business. But then He gives me a glimpse or a vision of how He wants to use me for His kingdom and I start to really get it. "Follow Me," He says. "Follow Me into the unknown, into the uncomfortable, into the unimaginable, and I promise that you won't regret it. Follow me and you will do great things for My kingdom." So even after all my Peter-like ways, He still desires to use me. After all of my mistakes, He restores me to who I am meant to be.

So, I don't dread these occasional fireside chats with my Savior. I've come to really appreciate them. I've realized where I am flawed and where His grace must take over. I've realized areas of  my life that need to change and am finally working to change them. I've realized that, like Peter, I may screw up and I may stick my foot in my mouth more times than I care to count, but Jesus will always call me by name and He will always restore me.

(Image from GoogleImages)

Not a Fan of Jesus

Note: This blog has taken well over a month to write. I wanted to wait until my husband and I finished the book that went with the study by which this was inspired. Every few days I would add a few lines. I read and reread to make sure that what I was saying came out the way God would intend. I debated on whether to include some things and have prayed over this blog that it might inspire or encourage others to take a look at their walk with Christ. We have finished the book and I encourage every professed believer out there to read Kyle Idleman's book Not a Fan (because this post does not do it justice). And maybe, even if you're not a believer, you should read it anyway. 

That's right.

I'm not a fan of Jesus. At least, I don't want to be.

I want to be a follower. And, friends, there is a colossal difference between the two.

In our small group that meets every other Saturday, we are discussing the study "Not a Fan" by Kyle Idleman, a pastor of a mega church in Kentucky. This study seriously has us reviewing our current relationship with Christ and revamping the way we pattern our lives.

So, you may ask, what exactly is the difference between a fan and a follower?

A fan is someone who believes Jesus is the Messiah. They may have even made a decision at one point to walk down the aisle of a church and "be saved." But what about that person's life? Does anything about that life change? Does that person change their current lifestyle and make the conscious decision to FOLLOW CHRIST completely (in their entertainment choices, relationships, language, way they treat their children, etc.)? Kyle describes a fan as "an enthusiastic admirer." That's a great depiction of a fan of Jesus. A fan thinks Jesus is great. They may attend church every Sunday, they may do all the right things or say all the right things but in their hearts, when following Jesus gets a little "uncomfortable," they tend to "jump ship." They want to follow Jesus to an extent...but when following requires denying their own desires or sacrificing anything they hold close to them, then it's not as worth it as they thought.

The Church (in general) does a pretty good job of "prettying up" the gospel message. They make following Jesus look neat and tidy and they package it in a way that is the most appealing. I think the Church has good intentions, but sometimes those intentions result in unintended consequences....like having churches (especially in America) full of raving fans instead of devoted followers. Kyle discusses how even he, in an effort to make following Jesus look as appealing as possible, inadvertently managed to cheapen the gospel. Following Jesus is not meant to be easy or comfortable. If you read the words of Christ carefully, you would clearly see that. He didn't come with a "prettied up" message. He came with a dangerous and often times offensive one. He told potential followers to "Let the dead bury their own dead" (Luke 9:60) or to "sell everything and give to the poor and then come follow me" (Mark 10:21) or "The foxes have holes and the birds have nests but the Son of man has nowhere to lay His head" (Matt. 8:20). The question is: are you willing to follow whenever, wherever, whatever He may ask? He's a gentleman, so he's not going to force the issue, friends.

Which category have you chosen? Are you simply a fan of Jesus? Or are you a devoted, committed follower? Me? Too often I must admit, I fall into the fan category. I'm not proud of it by any means. My desire is to be a fully committed follower of Jesus, where my answer is "Yes, Lord!" before He even tells me what it is He wants me to do. This brings me to the next point that Kyle outlines in his poignant book. We often use the term "Lord" as a sort of synonym to "God." But, the word "Lord" has some very deep connotations to it. The moniker "Lord" was used as an address to a slave's master. A slave would call their master "lord." A slave, in case you missed the memo, does not belong to themselves. They are not in control. Their master, their "lord," controls them. The disciples called themselves "slaves." So when you call God your  "Lord," please know the implications of what you are saying. You are, in essence, saying that you are not your own. You BELONG to Christ. He is your Master and the filter through which all decisions are made. If you say that He is Lord of your life, well, you better live that out. By you, I first and foremost mean ME. I, for one, want to be a slave to Christ, chained to Him. Do I live that way day in and day out? Unfortunately not. But, therein lies the beauty of His grace too. Ah, grace...a topic for another time I'm afraid.

Kyle tells the story of a group of missionaries who were trying desperately to reach out to an enslaved people group but their masters only allowed slaves to converse with other slaves. So, in order to reach these slaves for Christ, the missionaries SOLD THEMSELVES into slavery. My husband and I stopped after that story and pondered that for a few moments. Would we? Could we? The question arose: do we care enough about the lost to sell our own selves into slavery to reach a lost group of people? I honestly don't know. I should. I need to. I desire to have that kind of heart....that kind of passion. That's my earnest prayer: that God would break my heart in pieces for the lost and broken of this world. My husband and I pray for the salvation of a certain individual every night and in the stillness after the prayer, God has spoken multiple times to my heart: "What would you give up in order to win his soul?" At one point, plain as day, I heard Him ask, "Would you give up your own life to save his for eternity?" The answer?

It took me awhile to get there. Transparently speaking, I wasn't sure. But now, without a doubt, I can say that I would. To insure that person's spot in eternity with Jesus, I would give up my own life. Now, my prayer is that I would feel that way about the rest of the lost. Then maybe I could truly call myself a follower.

More and more, God is molding me and chiseling away the junk and the baggage and the icky habits. He's making me His masterpiece. He's making me a follower. I may not be where I need to be or should be or even would like to be...but I can say without reservation now: I am not a fan.

If you're interested, you can purchase Kyle's book here. Read it. You won't be sorry.

Journey of Health

It's been a while since I posted anything and I don't want any of my faithful readers to think I've jumped the blogging ship. I'm still here. Life has just been really busy lately and I've had SO much on my mind that coherent thoughts haven't really been coming like they ought. I'm actually working on a post or rather, I have been working on a post for several weeks now. I add to it each week but I really want it to fully resonate with people. I want them to fully understand the implications laid out in that particular post. It's not a post I'm taking lightly at all so that's part of the reason it is taking me so long to finish it.

However, I thought I would give a much needed update to my healthy journey/lifestyle change. Of course, if you are a friend of mine on facebook you have probably seen the countless posts about different milestones. But, I think I'll just talk about it again. If it can motivate anyone in anyway, then my job has been done.

I set out on this new journey at the beginning of the year and honestly, I didn't know what to expect. I had tried so many times before to lose weight, to eat healthy, and to decrease dress sizes...but it was always short-lived. It never lasted. Well, friends, I am a little over 4 full months into this new lifestyle and I'm still going strong. As I've reflected back on how it used to be and how it is now, I've noted a few obvious differences:

1) I don't overly concern myself with what the number on the scale says. Sure, I weigh myself at least once a week, more for curiosity than anything, but I don't get discouraged when I gain a pound or two (like I used to and then subsequently drown my sorrows in a box of pizza). I know with a little extra work, it will come off. It's just a number. It doesn't define who I am.

2) I'm doing it for me. Yes, I want to feel energized so I can keep up with my son. Yes, I want my husband to be proud to call me his (which he's never given any implication otherwise but you know we women). But, ultimately, I am doing this for no one else but me. Selfish? Ah, maybe. But if I try make it about someone else, I will fail as I have in the past. I want it for me...not for anyone else.

3) I'm relying on God. This is never more present than in my current food choices. No other explanation exists for the sudden change in taste buds but God. I now can honestly say that I have a favorite veggie. I've never had a favorite veggie. If asked on some survey what my favorite veggie was, I would have left it blank. But let me tell you, if a recipe calls for zucchini, I'm most likely going to try it. I've grown quite fond of it and have labeled it a staple in my household...pretty much up there with whole wheat bread and bananas. 

4) I allow myself an indulgence every now and then and don't beat myself up about it. My stomach may not agree with my indulgence but the rest of me is okay with it. I know it's not a constant and that the remainder of my food choices for the day or even week will be good. Case in point: I decided I wanted a sweet treat so when my brother in law and hubby drove together to McDonalds last night, I asked for a McFlurry. It was delicious and frighteningly sweet but I was okay with that. My stomach on the other hand was not as thrilled. Eh, so I won't be eating a McFlurry again any time soon. Big deal...

5) I'm still celebrating all my personal victories. I'm not getting burdened by the healthy food. I enjoy finding new recipes to try or throwing a spin on some new favorites. I keep a menu each week of the dinners we will eat. I generally leave the printed recipe out and my wonderful hubby usually has it made or almost made when I get home. That's a huge help. I eat leftovers for lunch (yes, I have grown to love leftovers). I drink water, water, and more water. I've cut out soda...had one cup in the last 4 months. Hubby and I have cut out coffee except on Sundays. That's our treat...the delectable Haitian coffee from church. We buy a cup each and we know the money goes to missions. That's the only coffee we drink during the week. 

So, I've lost 21 pounds total and have gone down 2 pant sizes. I felt like I had new clothes from my own closet. I know the weight I have left will come off slowly or I will definitely need decent exercise to kick start it but at this point, it's simply about being healthy. I eat a mostly vegetarian diet. I may have chicken every once in a while (like in my zucchini chicken enchiladas last night) and seafood...but for 90% of the time, I'm meat-free. Except for my occasional indulgences, I do my best to stay away from sugar and super processed foods. I'd really like to branch into full clean eating but no rush. I'm just taking it one step at a time. I know I will succeed this time because this time, it's different. It may take me another year to get to my official goal....but I'm not rushing. I'm just thrilled to finally be doing this. I'm thrilled to be in the size and weight range I was at when I first got married. Nothing will stop me from reaching my goal. 

I'm enjoying this journey. And I really appreciate the support and encouragement I've received from so many...especially my best friend and partner in life, my wonderful hubby. He is the biggest encouragement I have. I just hope that I can be an encouragement to others as well on their journeys. 

This is probably a year and a half ago but I was at my heaviest then I think.

And this was me a few weeks ago after our walk-a-thon. 

I don't know about you...but I see a big difference. 

Traffick Jam

Can you stomach the thought of your 4 or 5 year old son or daughter or grandchild or niece or nephew or sister or brother being sold into slavery and being forced to have sex night after night? I can't. And I won't.

My amazing church is sponsoring an event this Saturday called "Traffick Jam." It is a 10 mile walk where each walker raises money and all that money goes to Cambodia to an organization called the "Hard Places" where a woman rescues young children from the trafficking that goes on in that country.

It's not just happening in Cambodia though. It's happening all over - even here in Florida. We were told in church a few weeks ago that the I-4 corridor between Orlando and Tampa in which we are located is one of the worst for trafficking. After hearing that, my husband and I have driven the interstate in a different way. We often find ourselves looking at tractor trailers that are on the road, wondering what exactly they are carrying in those trailers.

On the Hard Places website you can go on and read a few stories of rescued children. Their backstories are heartbreaking, mind-numbing, vomit-inducing stories of absolute torture. There is no other way to describe it. What these precious babies go through is nothing short of torture. And doing nothing...is no longer an option. So I'm doing something.

I am not physically fit. I have not walked in preparation for this as much as I should have. But I will do it. If my Savior can walk the Via Del a Rosa with a cross on His bloody and flesh-torn back up to Golgotha and climb onto a cross for me, then the LEAST I can do is walk 10 miles around a beautiful lake. The LEAST I can do is walk for those who don't have the chance to walk out of that horrendous life on their own.

So friends, this week is your last chance to sponsor me as a walker. I want to raise as much as possible so please...any little amount will help. How much would you spend if it were your child?

Go to http://www.fuelcommunitychurch.com/traffickjam
Fill out your information and type your amount into the One-Time Donation box. I'm only asking for $10 but if you want to give more, don't let that stop you! Then write my name in the box that says "Additional Information." And let me know if you do make a donation so I can personally thank you. Saturday is the big day...from 9am-3pm at Lake Hollingsworth in Lakeland. If you live in the area, come out and check it out. There will be raffles, concession stands, a bounce house (I believe, don't quote me on that), and our amazing Fuel Worship Band will be playing from 2-3. Come help us raise awareness and funds to put an end to human trafficking. Let's jam those traffick lanes!

The Marriage Debate

DISCLAIMER: Slightly political and controversial post below. Please proceed with caution and the understanding that it's possible we have differing opinions/viewpoints. My goal is not to offend anyone but to shed light on this topic from a Christ-following, Bible-believing standpoint. If you do not see the Bible as your final authority, then please do not try to argue with me. We do not have the same worldview, and therefore, a discussion about the topic will be like beating a dead horse...pointless.

If you know me, you probably know where I stand on this whole marriage debate. And if you live under a rock somewhere and don't know what I'm talking about, I'm referring to the debate over whether gay marriage should be legalized and therefore recognized by the entire country as a legitimate legal marriage. I'm not here to change anyone's mind. Actually, this post is more directed at Christians than anyone else.

Obviously, I don't agree with nor do I condone homosexuality. Does that mean that I hate them? Absolutely not. Although, supporters would call me a "bigot" or "closed-minded" or whatever else...call me what you want. I have a right to my opinion just as the next guy. I had gay friends in high school who knew exactly where I stood on the issue but they also understood that I while I did not agree with their lifestyle, I was never going to condemn them or belittle them. I treated them just as I treated everyone else, hopefully with dignity and respect. I just politely asked them not to discuss their lifestyle around me...and most of them respected that. I will also take this time to say that I also have a gay brother. Half brother, yes. But he's still my brother. And gay or not, I love him. Will I ever approve of his lifestyle or agree with him marrying his partner? Nope. Because the Bible that I read is very clear on the issue. But, I love him. And I will never condemn him because of his choice.

But, here's the thing Christ-followers...so many times we speak out against something like this and we talk about what the Bible says about it and all of that is true. We talk about how God clearly states that homosexuality is a sin. That is true. But it is also true that the Bible is very clear about other types of sexual immorality like sex before marriage, adultery, lust, etc. How often do we speak out against those things? I wonder how many "Christians" who claim to believe and follow the Bible in its entirety are also having sex outside of marriage. Let's be real here. If we're going to speak out against one sin, let's speak out against them all. Homosexuality is no worse in our God's eyes than having sex outside of the confines of marriage. Homosexuality is no worse in our God's eyes than lusting after another man or woman. Homosexuality is no worse in our God's eyes than a man or woman cheating on his/her spouse. So why, if we are going to make such a big deal about this, do we not make such a big deal about the other sexual sins? We just shrug off the others half the time and say, "Oh, you made a mistake." A sin is a sin, people. God doesn't rate sin. I realize this has become a "legal matter" and that's why we hear Christians standing up and talking against it...but shouldn't we still stand up against the other sinful lifestyles as well?

We are called to love people. Yes. We are called to love them through their sin and despite their sin. But I am growing increasingly tired of people calling those of us against homosexuality "haters" or "bigots" or "intolerant" or what have you. It seems that those that support this marriage bill are entitled to their beliefs and/or opinions but those of us who do not are not entitled to ours. Sure, that makes sense (insert sarcasm here). Like I said before, if the Bible is not your final authority on these types of issues, then my argument makes little sense to you and therefore we will just agree to disagree.

Let's clear this up once and for all: simply because I will not ever agree with making homosexual marriage legal does NOT mean I hate them. The exact opposite is true actually. Am I against them being happy? No. I am against them living in sin. And if you are a Christ-follower, living in sin cannot make you happy. I am against myself living in sin. Yup, I'm a sinner. Never met one? Look in the mirror. I will not and cannot condone a life of sin...mine or anyone else's. So, just as I refuse to condone homosexuality, I also refuse to condone other "lesser" sins as some people might see them. Since my goal is to live a life following Christ, I cannot condone the sin, but I cannot condemn the sinner either. After all, I would be condemning myself.

So my two main points I guess are these: 1. Supporters of gay marriage, please stop calling non-supporters names and bad-mouthing us because we believe a different way. When you do that, you're showing your intolerance (the very thing you claim we have issues with). 2. Christians, if you're going to fight against one particular sin, fight against them all. Yeah, it's a slippery slope. But someone has to climb it.

Footnote: I'm not entirely sure any of this made sense. And I've been writing this blog for over a week so I'm probably way behind. But, it's been a crazy few weeks so here it is. Don't hate me:)

I Want to Live...

...a radical life.

There.

I said it. I desire to live the radical life. What exactly do I mean by that? Basically, I want to live like Jesus lived. And He, my friends, lived radically. Should I, who calls myself a Christ follower, desire anything less than that? I don't think so.

The problem though, is that I am much like Paul (aren't we all?). I often do the things I don't want to do and don't do the things I do want to do. My flesh gets in the way. I look at my life currently and think, "Wow, you are so far from radical." And the truth is: I am. I try my best not to compare myself to others, although, let's be real here...we all do that at some point. "Oh, well, at least I'm better than THAT guy over there." Well, ya know what? God doesn't compare you or me to anyone else. He compares us to the standard that He set before us. The beautiful thing about His grace and mercy however, is that it doesn't matter how often or how far we fall short of that standard...He loves us just the same. Thank You, Jesus. If I had to rely on what I DO to gain the love of my Father in Heaven, I dare say I'd be in some deep doo-doo. That, by the way, is the scientific term for "big trouble."

As I think about what it would mean to live a radical life, I wonder exactly what that would look like for me. I'm not entirely sure there is a clear right or wrong way to live radically (well, it would depend on your heart). Perhaps it's what simply takes you out of your comfort zone. Outside of my comfort zone. That's a scary place to be. But, I've ventured out a time or two and while it can be a bit scary and overwhelming, it is also quite rewarding. Oh, if I had the boldness to consistently live outside this comfort zone of mine. Why is that so hard? Why is it so difficult to just knock down the barriers and the walls and pop the bubbles that we encase ourselves in?

So what does radical look like really? I mean, I can think of some examples that pop into my head when I think of radical. Stephen in the bible (the first martyr) was a radical, stoned to death for refusing to stop preaching the name of Jesus. Paul and Silas were radicals, being persecuted for preaching Jesus, and worshipping even while being imprisoned in chains. Even my own Pastor comes to mind as I think of how he never locks his door, deciding that everything he has belongs to God anyway so if someone else just wants to come take it, they can have it because they obviously need it more than he does. That's radical to me. And while I'm being honest, I am so not close to even having that kind of "let me keep my doors unlocked" mentality. And, I would probably be whining and complaining if I were thrown into prison like Paul or Silas. I'm nothing if not transparent, people.

I've been a "Christian" since I was 5. I use the term "Christian" loosely because let's face it, I haven't always behaved like a Christian. People toss that word around so nonchalantly. So many think that just going to church on Sunday and having your "Jesus card" stamped makes you a Christian. Yet, out of their mouths spews profanity or negativity or criticism. They don't love. They don't forgive. They don't simply CARE. And let me be the first to stand up and say that I have been that "Christian." Many times they are called hypocrites. Oh, how many times I've been one. But that's not my desire. My desire is to show love like Christ showed love, to those least deserving. My desire is to forgive even when it doesn't make sense, like Christ forgave me while He was hanging on that cross. My desire is to care about the lost and the broken, every single one, the way Christ cared and healed and listened and served. I want to serve. I want to serve radically. I want to serve so that others might ask, "Why do you do that?" That's the question that would open the door for me to tell them about my Jesus. That's the question I want to answer. Jesus. Just Jesus.

I want to live for Jesus. And I think, in my tiny little mind, that living FOR Jesus means living radically. What are your thoughts? What does radical look like to you? I'd love to know.

As I am writing this (this post has taken me 4 days), I am reminded of the song by Sidewalk Prophets called "Live Like That." Here's the video:

Yes, I want to live like that.

The Veil is Torn

"And behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom." Matthew 27:51

Throughout the Old Testament, the veil in the temple separated the part of the temple where people were allowed to be from the Holy of Holies, God's dwelling place, and the part of the temple that only the priest was able to enter into once a year. It signified the separation that sin had caused between man and God. But, when Christ died that horrible death on the cross for you and for me, that veil that separated us from God was torn completely.

The torn veil allowed all people full access to God. Jesus paid the price, the proper "atonement" for our sins. The debt was paid....in full. It was as if, in that moment, God took the note our debt was written on and tore it in half.

"Let us therefore come boldly before the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16

One of the things our Pastor speaks about often is how so many Christians seem to walk around living defeated lives. I dare say I know a few who seem to live this way. And while I'm daring to say things, I dare say I've been one of those people myself. Why do we forget the very words that were written to us in Hebrews? "Let us come BOLDLY before the throne of grace." Did Christ not die for this very purpose? In the moment that my Savior gave up His spirit on the cross, He opened the doors to the throne room of God and told me to enter boldly. Why then do so many people who call themselves Christians continue on in defeat? You are not defeated! You are "more than a conqueror through Him who loved us." Lift up your head, dear friend.

Yes, Jesus never ever promised that life would be easy. In fact, His very words told us that in this world we would have trouble. It's inevitable. But He also promised that we should not fear. We should take heart for our Savior OVERCAME THE WORLD! It doesn't matter what this life tries to throw at you, how many times Satan tries to steal your joy...we have a Savior who has already defeated him.

So do you feel defeated? If so, it's time to stand up, take hold of the power that is inside every Christian, tell the devil that in the name of Jesus he and his brood of demons must leave, and take back your joy. The veil was torn for the very purpose of you and me being able to come before God boldly with everything...no matter how big or small.

If you're a Christian, others should be able to see your joy, your hope, your peace. Will life sometimes knock you down? Yes, absolutely...probably more times than you care to count. But, that's the time when you look up and see your Heavenly Father reaching out His hand. In the midst of pain, chaos, oppression, persecution, stress, or illness, others need to see you leaning on the One who defeated all of that.

He defeated it all. He tore the veil. He told us to come boldly. So...come.

This post was inspired in part by this song by MercyMe....it gets me every time I hear it. If you haven't heard it before, please listen. Then tell me why you should continue on defeated when we serve such an incredible God!