Teachable Moments...

Okay, first of all, it has been WAY too long since I've posted. January...what?! Life got crazy. We went straight from the holidays into crazy crunch time at school not only preparing our kiddos for the tests to come but purging and packing our classrooms  to move our sweet school to our new campus over Spring Break. Things just haven't slowed down since and I rarely venture into the office for anything other than to retrieve something so sitting and writing took a back seat. But I need to blog. People have been asking. I've been itching to write. So, it's time. Bear with me...I may have forgotten how to form a sentence....ha!

One of my constant prayers as a mother is that the Lord would provide teachable moments in my time with my son. These teachable moments come in the forms of questions he asks, situations that arise, or discipline that needs to be carried out. My goal is to always point it back to Christ. How's that working, you ask? Well, most of the time, if I'm being perfectly honest....I fail miserably. Maybe I'm "too busy" and don't take the time to really answer his question. Maybe that situation I just brush under the rug. And that discipline? Maybe frustration and impatience get the upper hand and I let a teachable moment slip by yet again. It's not intentional but then again, that means I'm not being intentional at all in those moments God provides for me.

Saturday was different though. Hubby was with his brother working a side job so Gabe and I had the first part of the day to ourselves, just the two of us. That honestly doesn't happen too often and I wanted to make sure I spent time with him while also getting things done. I turned up some music and he helped me out around the house. Then we were in his room while he was putting toys away and I was putting his clothes away. I don't even remember what was said but I mentioned to him that he was not being nice. The conversation started something like this:

Me: You are not being very nice.
G: Well....
Me: Well, do you want to be mean? (I'm expecting him to say no of course)
G: Yes.
Me: (Thinking he has not understood the question) Do you want people to be mean to you?
G: No.
Me: But you want to be mean to others?
G: Yes. I want to be mean.

At this point, I need to prove a point and not launch into a lecture to a 4 year old whose eyes will glaze over after 20 seconds. So, I softly but firmly told him I would not be helping him anymore and I left the room. Of course, my child, being the sensitive one that he is, immediately began crying. I waited about a minute before re-entering the room to talk to him.

Me: Did you like it when mommy left?
G: No.
Me: Did you think I was being mean?
G: Yes.
Me: How did that make you feel?
G: Sad.
Me: Well, buddy, that's how other people feel when you're mean to them.

At this point, we moved our conversation to the couch in the living room. He sat in my lap as I began to really use this moment to point it back to Christ.

Me: How does Jesus want you to treat people?
G: Good. He wants us to be nice.
Me: Right. And don't you want to be like Jesus?
G: But I want to be mean.
Me: (Thinking I'm losing him somehow) Buddy, why do you want to be mean? That hurts mommy's heart.
G: Well, when bad guys come, I want to be mean.
Me: (I have realized we were on completely different pages) Ohhhh, so you want to be mean to bad guys. Not everyone?
G: Right. I'm going to be mean to bad guys.

I could have left it there. I could have told him that mommy didn't understand before and thought he wanted to be mean to everyone and that now I understood. But, I felt the Spirit urging me to take it deeper. And, so I did.

Me: I understand wanting to be mean to bad guys. But can I tell you something? You know when Jesus died on the cross?
G: Yeah, when he died and then he came back to life 3 days later?
Me: Exactly. Do you know that there were bad guys that killed him? They beat him and made fun of him and they killed him.
G: There were?
Me: Yes. But do you know that He was never mean to them? In fact, He asked God to forgive them. And He loved them.
G: Wow. So we show love to bad guys too?
Me: Yes. I know that's hard but Jesus wants us to show love to everyone.



(Note: Between the above and below sections, months have passed. I got sidetracked when I started writing this and just now picked it back up. So this whole story is actually like 2 or 3 months old. I apologize.)

It seemed to sink in. Then, he ran to get his little devotion book I got him for Christmas. I turned to that day to read the devotion and the scripture that went with it was exactly what we needed. He got his Jesus Calling Children's bible story book which of course had the story we needed as well. I just love how God orchestrates things. We read the story of Jesus dying on the cross and how they beat Him and spit on Him and He never uttered a mean word. He asked the Father to forgive them instead. It was a beautiful moment that I was able to pause and really take the opportunity to teach my little guy a lesson. Let's be real...even mommy needed that lesson too. 

Thank you, Jesus.

Image borrowed from {http://www.teach-through-love.com/watch-free-trainings.html} 

Being Intentional

I started thinking about my overall goal for 2015 several weeks ago. Last year I made the goal to "finish what I start." I revisited that particular blog post a while back and tried anxiously to reflect back on my year to see if I had indeed achieved my goal. Sadly, I realized that I had not achieved to the level I desired. I did finish a 5k in March that I had on my list of things to accomplish and I believe I became better at communicating in certain relationships. But overall, in several areas of my life, I failed miserably.

So, this year I wanted to approach a bit differently. First, I wanted to have the support of my husband. I wanted to be in it together. Yes, we are always doing life together but I wanted to work on our goals together as a couple. We discussed what we wanted to work on in our individual lives first which actually lined up with one another. We both wanted to be sure we were using our time and finances wisely but we also wanted to make sure we were treating our bodies the way our Creator would desire - like the temples they are. The logical conclusion we came to was that we simply have to be intentional.

Time.

It goes by too fast and once it's gone, that's it. There is no going back no matter how badly you wish you owned a working Tardis to transport you back in time. It is a precious commodity and, I'm sad to admit, too often I squander it by watching multiple episodes of Netflix shows, perusing my Facebook feed, and pinning new recipes, organizational tips, or DIY projects. My husband will tell you the same is with him - he plays video games, watches numerous how-to tutorials on YouTube, or mindlessly watches multiple episodes on Netflix with me. We are both guilty of allowing time to escape. So, we've decided to take back our time. We started studying the Bible together each night. He has read through the entire Word of God but I, shamefully, have not. I decided it's time. I read out loud and we stop and discuss different areas that need further clarification or on topics of personal interest. We do this after our little one is asleep and before we turn any Netflix on or anything else. Before the holidays, we also started a "No Screen Sunday" tradition. On Sundays, we have decided as a family to designate that day as purely a day to focus on God and family time. Other than text messages or phone calls with friends and family, our phones are mostly off limits, the TV stays off (at our house at least), and the computer is forbidden (unless necessary - as it is at the moment because I am finishing this blog after I finished my lesson plans). It has really made me realize how often I reach for my phone without thinking to look at facebook or instagram or pinterest. While none of those things are inherently "bad," they can become like idols if I'm not careful. And nothing and no one deserves that spot other than Jesus. 

Finances.

Hubby and I have come a long long way in how we view our finances. We are no longer the "We want it, let's put it on credit" type of people. Been there. Done That. Got the debt to prove it, thank you very much. We are slowly but surely digging ourselves free from the pit that debt has had us in financially. I can finally see a light at the end of the proverbial debt-ridden tunnel. We still have a long way to go but we will get there with discipline and, you guessed it, being intentional. We are human and naturally we have desires for certain material things. We also know what giving into those means for us and so we desire now to be more intentional with the money we spend, not that there's much left after our bills anyway. Ha! A friend of mine taught me to filter possible expenses (wants) through the lens of "Will this somehow benefit the kingdom of God either through my personal relationship with Christ or the blessing of another person?" So that $5 I spent to let my kid run around at Fun Center yesterday I felt was filtered through that lens. I wanted to let him have fun and I wanted to enjoy watching him have fun rather than sitting at home while I "got something done" and he played video games or watched television. It was an investment in my child and it even allowed for some teachable moments. Whenever other children (who lack some supervision or discipline) are around, teachable moments (especially about grace) abound. 

Body.

Every year. This seems to be a resolution I make every year. And naturally, I'm frustrated that it has to be since I don't follow through. But if we want to keep in line with our goal to be intentional then we must also learn to be intentional with what we put into our bodies. The first 3 days of the new year found us experiencing a 3 day detox. Neither one of us had ever done anything quite like that before and it was an interesting experience. I felt the need to jump start the new year of eating healthy by ridding our bodies of the sugar we had gorged ourselves on throughout the holidays. I tell ya, drinking 3 meals a day for 3 days is not for the faint of heart. I learned some serious self control in those 3 days but I also realized the amount of food I consume when I am simply "bored" because oh, hey, I'm not being intentional with my time. You see, it's a cycle. I lost 6 pounds in those 3 days but I gained much more: motivation, discipline, will-power, desire, etc. Yes, I want to lose weight and I want to look good. But more than that, I want to be and feel healthy. I can do more for others and follow God's call better if I am healthy physically. 


So all in all, I guess you could say that my amazing other half and I are working toward intentional transformation in 2015 - financially, physically, and spiritually. And I think, they all go hand in hand. 

What about you? What are your goals for the year? What sorts of things can you be intentional about? I'd love to hear from you!

Image retrieved from whitpics11.blogspot.com

The Blessed Burden

I firmly believe that God hand picks certain individuals to whom He reveals certain aspects of His heart. Parents, in general, are some of those individuals. Once you become a parent, you most definitely understand a little more about the ridiculously irrational unconditional love of our Heavenly Father. But, I also understand that there are certain people that are just simply privy to more of God's heart. Certainly He reveals Himself to all of us in different ways - but as I worshipped beside one of my dearest friends this morning, I encountered a revelation that moved me to tears. 

This friend and her sweet husband have said yes to one of the hardest things I think I could ever imagine. Not only have they said yes to loving other people's children as their own, but they have said yes to loving children that, if we're being quite frank, don't seem to deserve it. Knowing this precious friend, I'm certain she won't mind me sharing just a bit of what she deals with on a mostly daily basis. These children she has said yes to loving have, without a doubt, wreaked havoc in their home. Holes in the wall, broken beds, torn off blinds, pee and poop in the bathroom (not inside of the fixture in the bathroom to which it belongs), just to name a few. And then there's the spitting, the name calling, the cursing, the screaming, hissing, or growling, and the threats made. Most people would have said, "See ya!" by now. They would have picked up the phone and unashamedly pleaded, "Please, come get this child!" And to be honest, most wouldn't blame them. 

But...they haven't. They have stuck it out and have fought and are fighting for these kids. They aren't just fighting for the kids in a physical sense (for proper psychiatric care, medical care, education, and adoption) but they are fighting for their very souls. As I stood next to her listening to her quiet sniffles as she broke down and cried out to God as she does every day, it became apparent to me that God is revealing Himself to her in a way that I imagine very few are privileged to. The way that she loves those children despite all the chaos and discomfort and emotional stress that it causes has to be the closest earthly example I have seen to how God loves us. 

Oh, friend. How he loves us so. Like those precious children, we can be some of the most burdensome creatures. Our Heavenly Father loves us like crazy and He daily fights for our souls. And yet, so many of us spit in His face, we take it out on Him when things don't go our way. We curse Him and yell at Him and make it nearly impossible to love us. And yet, He does. He loves us so much He sacrificed His only Son. 

I believe my dear friend is getting a sneak peak into the mind and heart of our Heavenly Father as He loves and fights for us. She has such a burden on her shoulders as she tries to love these precious kids to the Father. I can't help but feel though, that what she has is one of the most blessed burdens imaginable.

Love you, sweet friend. And to any other heroes out there loving traumatized children and the children that seem the most unlovable at times, thank you for fighting and loving in and through all the crazy. Your obedience does not go unnoticed.  

Image retrieved from: www.santabanta.com

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

As far back as I can remember...I have loved Christmas - everything about it! Decorating the tree, taking down the yearly decor to put up the gobs of Christmas decorations, looking at light displays, singing Christmas songs, baking (lots and lots of baking), and most importantly, the entire reason we Christians even celebrate the holiday - remembering the birth of our Savior in a humble stable surrounded by animals and hay and everything you would not expect for the King. I absolutely adore this time of year. It is cliche, but I truly do enjoy the sights, the sounds, and even the smells associated with Christmas. God knew what He was doing (obviously, He's God - so duh!) when He paired me with my sweet hubby who shares my passion and adoration for all things Christmas. I mean, when searching for our first home to purchase, how it would be decorated for Christmas was at the forefront of our minds. The planter shelf our village sits on during Christmas was what sold our house to us in the first place. We saw it and simultaneously thought it would be perfect for our ever expanding Christmas village. Yes, we love Christmas. 

How we would "celebrate" Christmas never really occurred to us though until I became pregnant. All of the sudden, we had a little one to think about and we had to decide how we would do Christmas as a family. It seems to me that in recent years (and maybe it's only recent to me because now I'm an adult with responsibilities) there is a growing controversy among Christians over "how" to celebrate Christmas. Do we decorate a tree? Do we sing certain carols? And perhaps the most controversial, do we allow our kids to believe in Santa? The tree and songs has never been an issue. I've always seen the Christmas tree as a foreshadowing to the tree that our Savior would give His life upon. My favorite ornament is even a large nail that hangs near the trunk of our tree unseen by guests as a symbol of this foreshadowing. But Santa? That's been a topic of conversation since Gabriel was born. Do we as Christians allow our child to believe in a fictional character who brings gifts? 

I know several people that have decided for their family that the answer to that question is a resounding "No!" And that is absolutely fine. I mean it. If that is what you have decided for your family, then I applaud you and respect you wholeheartedly for your decision. However, after much discussion, thought, a little research, soul-searching, and of course, prayer...my hubby and I decided that allowing the belief of the big guy in red is okay for us - as long as we can somehow tie even him back to Jesus. I'll be honest, I struggled with this. I didn't want to "force feed" him some fictional character. I didn't want to go through elaborately thought out lengths to "convince" my sweet boy that he was real. I simply wanted to make it fun and at the same time, point it back to Jesus. 

My husband and I brainstormed and we talked and we researched and last year shortly after Christmas I found what I was looking for. I wish that I had thought it up on my own. I wish I could take full credit for it. But I cannot. I ran across a woman's blog who tied in Santa and even the Elf on the Shelf guy and pointed both back to Jesus. 


I know there are mixed emotions about the Elf. Some absolutely love the guy and go all out in their elaborate attempts to create a mischievous elf that comes alive at night to cause trouble and wreak havoc. Listen y'all, I'm just not that creative and honestly, I'm a little lazy. So I'm most likely not going to be creating "flour angels" on my kitchen counter with the elf. Not my style. But we rather enjoy the little guy. I know some of you say he's creepy and perhaps when used the way he is "supposed" to be used, then yes, that's a little creepy. But we actually don't prescribe to the whole "he's watching you" sort of thing. He's a good friend of Santa's that spends some time with our family during Christmas. He does tend to be a little naughty but it's up to Gabriel to teach him about obedience and the grace of Jesus. Gabe received a letter from Santa on Dec. 1st that accompanied Peter the Elf. In his letter, he talks about the myth of the naughty and nice list and how he gives gifts no matter what just like Jesus loves us and gave the gift of Himself despite how good or bad we are. In the letter, he talks about grace and unconditional love, and learning how to be obedient. It was a joy to see his face light up when he saw that Santa Claus had written him a letter and he thought it was so cool that Santa said he knows Jesus. So while he may find Peter in some precarious situations over the next 19 or so days, Peter is not watching Gabe to see if he behaves. It's more like the other way around. 

The other tradition we have started and I have already grown quite fond of is Advent. I've been interested in this tradition for quite some time. The Catholic church down the road always places a huge Advent wreath replica outside during this time and each week a new "flame" gets added to the appropriate candle. Then a few years ago when our church was in its baby stages and we met in the evening, we would visit other churches on Sunday mornings to see how they did things and what we would want to incorporate into our new church. We visited a small church called Journey one Sunday morning in December and they included the lighting of the Advent candles in their service. So it's been in the back of my mind for some time. This year I finally did the research and looked up the meaning of the Advent candles and found scriptures to read each evening. I love it. Last Sunday evening we gathered around the Advent candle holder my husband so graciously made and lit the first candle together after we prayed. I explained what the candle stood for (hope) and read some scripture. Gabe was totally into it. I don't think I realized how in tune he was until I quizzed him the second night when we went to light it again. I asked him what the candle meant and he told me, "Hope!" Then I asked him where our hope comes from and he proclaimed excitedly, "JESUS!" It was a proud mom moment. 

After we light the candle, I let Gabe take down the countdown/activity card from the wooden tree my talented husband also made. The first night we had my niece over too so they both got to make an Advent wreath craft and they both enjoyed it. The second night we welcomed Peter to our house with the letter from Santa and the following morning he was found inside one of Gabe's shoes "sledding" down his toy racer slide. The 2nd morning Peter was playing a round of Candy Land with some other holiday creatures that normally hang out under the Christmas tree keeping the cat company (who every year thinks that the tree skirt is her new bed). The other morning, he was taking a swig of water from Gabe's favorite cup. It's simply fun! Just like he plays with his other figurines and creates little story lines for them, he does the same for Peter and I see no harm in imaginative play. 

With all of this said, I know several amazing parents that don't do the whole Santa and/or Elf gig and that, as stated before, is completely respectable. You do what works for your family, ya know? As for us, we're going to be keeping the jolly ol' guy around here and as Gabe grows older, we will begin the process of explaining the real story of St. Nick. And when he asks that age old question, "Mom, Dad, is Santa real?" Well, we'll tell him the honest truth - no matter what age he is. My hubby and I talked about the fond memories we have of believing in Santa Claus and we simply desire for Gabe to have those fond memories as well. But make no mistake about it - he will always knows the reason we celebrate because in everything we choose to do - Jesus will always be at the center - at this time and ALL year round. 

Surrendering My Fear

As parents, we have a plethora of responsibilities when it comes to making sure the little people that we are in charge of turn out to be big people that can take on the world. As Christian parents, those responsibilities go a little further to make sure that we turn those little people into big people that can take on the world without the world taking them.

I won't lie. My biggest fear as a parent is that when my son is old enough to decide, he will decide to walk away from the Lord. There. I said it. It's out there. I've never really confessed that fear before but there it is. As I continue to dialogue with other parents, I find that my fear is not so abnormal after all. As a matter of fact, it seems to me that a vast number of Christian parents have this exact same fear. But, why? Why, if we are living our lives as much in fellowship with Christ as we see possible, are we so afraid that our kids will turn out any different? I know for me, perhaps, it is because I've seen it firsthand. I've seen the offspring of an amazing Christian couple do a complete 180 from loving and proclaiming Christ in high school to being completely God-less as an adult. It truly makes no sense. I mean, let's be real here. I have no problem understanding the child of hypocritical parents walking away from the faith, but one whose parents are faithful and have trusted the Lord their entire lives? How does a person walk away from that?

In my "Parenting by Design" devotional, it talked about this a couple of weeks ago. One of the most poignant things that stuck out to me was this: "We can't force our kids to be godly. But we can be godly parents." And that is just it. Sure, you can force your kids to attend church or youth group. You can force your kids to bow their heads in prayer at the dinner table. You might even be able to force your kids to hang out with other kids of Christian families. However, you will never be able to force your kids to be godly. But you can be godly. You can set the example. 

I may not be able to control how my son turns out spiritually. But as long as he lives under my roof, I can be a godly parent. I can extend grace. I can serve those less fortunate. I can love unconditionally. I can cry out to God on my knees and allow him to witness it. I can study God's word and allow him to be a part of it. I can teach him memory verses. I can tell him how much Jesus loves him. I can make as many moments as possible teaching moments where I intertwine his actions with God's love. I can teach him to pray. I can read him bible stories. Most importantly, I can live out my faith everywhere I go so that he never sees me as being one way at church and another way at home. I can be a woman full of integrity and honesty. A woman of humility and a gentle spirit. A woman who submits to her husband and treats him with respect. I can and will do my utmost to be that woman so that he knows and understands what it looks like to follow Christ. 

Most importantly, I have to surrender this fear I have to the Lord and trust that He is in control. I must trust the promise that if I "train up a child in the way he should go, when he is old he will not depart from it." So, starting today, I shall surrender this fear. I shall lay it at the cross. I may have to do this daily, and maybe more than once a day as he gets older and tougher challenges occur but my deepest prayer is that my precious son will grow to be a servant leader who loves God and loves people. I pray that over him and surrender all the rest. 

I leave you with a snippet from today's devotion...a perfect end to what I've been hashing out over the last couple of weeks:
"The greatest gift we can give our kids is the example of a deep relationship with God and a desire to know His truth. The 'solid food' of spiritual maturity will overflow into our parenting as we tap into God's wisdom. Grow in spiritual maturity by making it a priority to spend time with God."

Yes. Just, yes. 

Image retrieved from www.kingjamesbibleonline.org

Pick Up, Clean Up

Every day, at some point, I utter the same few words to my precious son: "Gabe, you need to clean up your room" or "Gabe, you have to pick up these toys before you get anything else out."

Usually, without fail, his innocent little voice will follow: "But mommy, I need you to help me."

I tend to see this as his clever way of getting ME to clean up instead of him. In my ultimate mom wisdom, I think I have figured him out and am wise to his cunning ways. "I did not help make the mess, Gabe, so I am not going to help you. You made the mess so it's your responsibility to clean it up." This, of course, is usually followed by wailing and gnashing of teeth. Okay, not really, but the whining does commence at that point and after much bribing encouragement, he gets the job done.

But I had an epiphany of sorts the other night. A revelation, perhaps. Call it what you will. It was a word from the Lord. The cycle began yesterday late in the afternoon when he wanted to play with his play dough but his room looked like two grown sumo wrestlers held a match in there. I began my usual way: "You can play with your play dough as soon as you clean up the mess in your room." This time, he actually went in there and I thought, "VICTORY!" But it wasn't two minutes later and he was back out.

"Mommy, I really need you to help me." Heart. Melt. How can one say no to that sweet little pleading? Stay. Strong. Needless to say, I followed him into his room just to supervise the cleaning process. Something hit me, however, as I sat on the floor of his room watching him just tinker with the toys strewn around his floor. Isn't that just like you and me? Don't we makes messes of our lives at times? Some are small and not that dramatic and so we are easily able to pick up the pieces and put them back together. But then there are those times that we make bigger messes. And then we stand in the middle of our self-made mess staring at the rubble around us and wonder, "Where do I begin?"

In that moment, many of us cry out, "Lord! Help me! I need You to help me!" And then the Lord replies, "Nope! Sorry! You made that mess on your own. It's your job to clean it up!"

No...it doesn't go quite like that does it? He doesn't turn His back and leave us to fend for ourselves. He jumps into the middle of the mess with us and begins to guide us through. He shows us where to begin, what to pick up first. He helps us clean up the life mess that we've made through loving correction and instruction. I realized that my sweet 3 year old represents us in that scenario. He may have made the mess but he is now overwhelmed by the sheer size of it. His little mind wonders, "Where do I even begin?" And because he doesn't know what else to do, he calls to me or to daddy, "I need you to help me!"

So in that moment, I began to show him where he could begin. "Start with the animals and trees that go in this bucket." He picked those up and then we started on his legos. "Okay, pick up all the green ones and put them in your lego bus." The time passed and the room looked more like a bedroom than a scene from Twister and when he was all finished, we high fived! What a teaching moment for this mama! I don't ever want my son to feel abandoned when he's asked for genuine help. That's certainly not what our Heavenly Father does for us. 

Image retrieved from Google Images

"Comfort Must Fall"

I've never been drunk or hooked on drugs. I waited until I was married to give myself away. I grew up in the church and have had a relationship with Christ for as long as I can remember. I have never truly been rebellious.  I don't cuss. I'm generally picky about what I allow myself to watch on TV and the dial on my radio never changes from the JoyFM. For the most part, I look and act the part of a pretty good Christian. 

But I'm the most dangerous type of Christian. 
...
...
...
I'm comfortable.

The comfortable Christian.

In all honesty, there are two types of dangerous Christians. There's the type that is dangerous to the enemy's plans - those are the ones out there on the front lines of the spiritual battlefield seeking justice, loving mercy, and walking humbly with their God. Those are the ones stepping out in faith, walking on the deep waters, trusting that God will never let them go. Those are the ones doing this life while loving irrationally, giving sacrificially, and truly being the hands and feet of Jesus wherever He tells them to go. That's the kind of dangerous Christian I WANT to be. 

But that's not the case. I'm the one that's dangerous TO the cause of the Kingdom, not FOR it. 
There are thousands upon thousands of us - living the Christian life - generally good people who truly love the Lord and love to see people come to Jesus and love to be in God's House surrounded by other believers but when it comes down to it - we like the comfort American Christianity has to offer. 

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being complacent. I'm sick of talking a big game and then shrinking back into the shadows of a comfortable Christianity that gets me nowhere. I'm sick of saying that I'm ready to "launch out into the deep" like I know He's called me to do while still wading in the shallow waters. I'm sick of thinking and saying and never doing or going. I'm sick of the spiritual paralysis that slowly creeps in and wraps itself around the courage and boldness of the comfortable believer. 

I don't want to be the Christian that prays before meals or gives a little cash to the man holding a sign on the side of the road or reads my verse of the day on my BibleApp or goes to church on Sunday mornings and sings at the top of my lungs with tears streaming down my face and then turn around and say that's enough. It's never enough. 

God has called me to a life of sacrifice - a life of boldness - a life of living out my faith in the dark corners, deep valleys, and  dormant lands of this earth. I may not know all the details of this calling but I know it's big and I know that sitting in the place of comfort and complacency is not going to get me any closer to that goal. I have to stand up and knock comfort on its derriere. In the words of Louie Giglio, "COMFORT MUST FALL!" 

In the spirit of confession, I must confess that this is terrifying for me. And what for? I've watched several of my friends pursue the cause of Christ through difficult and downright dumpy circumstances and have seen the Lord provide peace and mercy and grace in the midst of it. I know He will do the same for me. 

I have the opportunity to go to Haiti in January. I planned to go next summer originally but the opportunity came up sooner - much sooner. When the dates first came out, my very first thought was, "Oh, I'd have to take off 5 of my 8 sick days and then that means that I'd only get paid for 3 days of sick pay at the end of the year, and that's a lot of money to give up." Honestly, that was my very first thought. But when I told my friends that I wasn't going to go, my reason was because I felt that taking 5 days off in January was doing a disservice to my kids. I said it because I wanted to believe that was the reason. And perhaps that would have been a good reason - but truly, my reason was selfish. And in true Father fashion, the Lord wrecked me for it Sunday morning. I can't even remember what song we were singing but the dialogue between Abba Daddy and myself went a little something like this: 
 God: So, be honest, my daughter.
 Me: What are we talking about?
 God: The real reason you said no to Haiti.
 Me: What? *cue the tears*
 God: It's not about your students.
 Me: *tears streaming now* I want it to be. 
 God: But it's not. Your reasoning is selfish.
 Me: But Lord, that's a lot of money. We can use that money.
 God: Yes, but I can use you. I find that more important. 
 Me: *water works central*
 God: I don't care about the money and your kids will be be fine for 5 days. I want you in Haiti.
 Me: Why me?
 God: Why not you?
 Me: *no words, just tears, and a constant stream of "I'm so sorry Lord."

So there it is. I'm completely terrified and I have no idea how I'm going to raise the full amount (about $1,600) in that short amount of time but I know that God has called me to this and when it's His will, He will make a way. I'm taking a huge step here, a huge leap of faith, and in the process I'm taking comfort down. As I step out on the deep waters, I'm leaving comfort in the boat.

Will you, my precious readers, pray with me? Pray for the Lord's provision and for the preparations of my heart that He is already beginning. Bless you, readers. And thank you.