Conviction, Confession, Calling

For the past month, our pastor has been preaching a series about discipleship and what it truly means to be a "disciple of Christ" rather than just a "Christian." It's been convicting, challenging, and life-changing...in more ways than one. 

Let me back up a little bit before I get into the nitty gritty of my post.

A couple of weeks ago, it hit me while in the service that I allow too many distractions into my life. When I got home, I promptly deleted the facebook app off of my phone because I constantly waste precious time on it...time I can't ever get back. I did load it back on my phone mostly for the notifications I receive regarding my Thirty-One Gifts business but when I notice that I start wasting time just scrolling through, I put the phone down and try to focus my attention on other much more important things around me. 

It was that same day that in the middle of some personal bible study, God revealed something quite shocking to my heart - - - I have pride. I am, in fact, a prideful person. Talk about a blow to the gut! I had never realized that about myself but as he peeled away the layers, so to speak, it became more and more clear how prideful I am. I realized that I actually enjoy the spotlight. I like to have the attention on me more so than I should and I like to be noticed. And sometimes, I compare myself to others in order to feel better about myself spiritually. That is not an easy thing for me to confess. In that moment of recognition and conviction, He also spoke quite clearly to my heart: "I cannot and will not give you more responsibility for My kingdom until it is 110% about Me and you seek only MY glory and not your own." 

...W.O.W....

You'd think that would be enough...but in the same night, He spoke even more to me. I was reading through Luke 5 on the Bible app on my phone and the words of Jesus in verse 4 jumped right out at me: "Launch out into the deep." I knew when I read those words that God obviously meant something by them so later on, I opened up my actual Bible with physical pages so that I could read through the context again and underline those words but when I opened to that page, those exact words were already CIRCLED. Now, I don't circle stuff very often in my Bible and I certainly don't remember circling those words but I knew without a doubt that God meant something extremely important by them FOR ME. As I prayed through those words and what they might mean for me, Hillsong's 'Oceans' started playing on my Pandora station. Coincidence? Ha! For those of you unfamiliar with the song, I think the following lyrics should suffice: "Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, that my faith would be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior." 

All I knew was that I am meant to go deeper. God wants me to go deeper. But what those deep waters were, I really didn't know. I've been praying through it and discussing the possibilities of the meaning with my hubby. 

Last week I spent time in Columbus, Ohio for our Thirty-One Gifts National Conference - - - which was amazing. It spoke to my heart on so many levels, not just about how to better my business but also about how to better myself as a wife and mother and friend. It spoke to my whole person. I felt God speak to my heart about what that "deep" might be. As I pray through it and receive more information through research, I will reveal what that calling might be. But, I want to confess something first...that takes me back to the whole "disciple of Christ" topic. 

I want to first preface this part of my post with my belief that alcohol in and of itself is not wrong or sinful. The bible speaks against being drunk and commands that we remain "sober-minded." But for myself personally, I have had the conviction that I should not drink - period. This past week, I went against that conviction. And perhaps I should have felt the tug of the Spirit the first night when I had sangria at the hotel or the 3rd night when I ordered sangria at an Italian restaurant...but it wasn't until Friday night when we "celebrated" the end of a fabulous conference by going to a bar that the Spirit really got me. I ordered my very first martini and I danced with the absolutely fabulous and fun girls I was there with but something inside me kept whispering that I did not belong there in that place. I kept trying to push the voice down but that precious voice of the Spirit got louder and louder the longer I was there that by the time I finally left (12:30am) I was wracked with guilt. I didn't feel well and it had NOTHING to do with the alcohol and I knew it. It was guilt. Because honestly, what business did I have there? 

Here's where I'm going with this and I don't want anyone to take this the wrong way because I am really just writing about how I felt about myself. This is all about my convictions that are of course God-given but...not everyone else is there and I am not anyone else's judge. So please, please, please do not take this like I'm pointing any fingers at anyone because I'm pointing all 10 of them at ME! But as a DISCIPLE of Christ, I am called to be set apart. I am called to look different from the world and as I have already confessed through tears a few times to my mother and husband and bible study group, I did not look any different Friday night. No one in that bar could see any difference between me and them. I am supposed to be light wherever I go and I was not light at all in that dark place. The question I kept playing over and over to myself was this: "How can I, as a woman of God, ever justify being in a place like that acting just like everyone else?" And Lord knows that is the last place I would want Him to find me when He's ready to call His people home. We sang the song, "I Exalt Thee" on Sunday morning and with tear-stained cheeks I begged God to forgive my actions that in no way exalted Him Friday evening. You know what He said to me? "Child, you were forgiven before you ever stepped inside." The grace and mercy of my God is astounding and I don't deserve it. 

With all of that said, it's a great thing I'm reading Steve Furtick's "Crash the Chatterbox" right now because it would be very easy for the enemy to use my guilt to keep me from the calling that God has for me. But I am not going to listen to the lies of the enemy - - - I'm shutting that inner chatterbox down and I will use this experience as a catalyst for what He has planned. 

So, with all that said, I am using my convictions to confess and to move forward with my calling. 

Here's to launching out into the deep...

Blessings!

Foster Parenting: From the Outside Looking In

I am not a foster parent.

That's how I feel I need to start out this post because I need to be clear about the fact that I haven't the slightest idea how they feel and what they go through. But I am really good friends with some foster parents. And it has me looking at those who choose this particular ministry in a whole new light. 

I've been sort of like the creepy stalker friend who has been around from almost the start of the process and watched this foster thing unfold from the sidelines, praying and cheering on my two precious friends.

I've never really been exposed much to the foster system. I've known people who have fostered in the past. For some, it actually turned into adoption. For others, it turned into having a piece of their heart removed from them or having to make the difficult decision to let someone else take the reigns. I cannot imagine the emotional roller coaster these special people are sent on when they take the leap into the unknown and decide to become foster parents. 

Who knows whether God will ever call us to become foster parents. I pray that if He does, then we will follow. For now, He has called us to "take care of the orphaned" by coming alongside those that do to be there for them in the dark hours, and believe me, there are some pitch black dark hours in this ministry. He has called us to "take care of the orphaned" by loving on those kids and showing them the light of Christ. He has called us to "take care of the orphaned" by praying fervently for the kids and their new parents (as well as the ones now considered unfit by the system), to bring meals when things get tough, and to lend an ear for the weary mom (or dad) who is trying to figure out what works.

The system is certainly flawed. That is a fact. Ask these fostering friends of mine and they will be first in line to tell you. But you know what's not flawed? The love of Jesus. That kind of love is perfect and whole and liberating. I have been blessed to be in the front row of what some might call a crazy circus, to see that love poured out on hurting kids. I've seen the sacrifice of Abraham, the patience of Job, the wisdom of Solomon, the wrestling of Jacob, the strength of David, and the obedience of Daniel all rolled into a few amazing stories of foster parenting. 

In my past writing, I've used the word "foster" as synonymous with "encourage" or "cultivate" and so it made me consult the dictionary to see what exactly its definition was. I decided to check out the famed Oxford English Dictionary and this is the definition (in verb form) that I found: 

"To supply with food or nourishment; to nourish, feed, support."

I looked at this definition for a while and ya know, it just doesn't do the action of fostering justice. Sure, part of their jobs is to provide food and clothing and a place to sleep. But it's so much more than that. It's not just the task of fostering kids - it's more what they foster in the kids that matters.

They foster spiritual growth - teaching these children about who God is and what He can do.

They foster peace - teaching them how to handle their emotions in a controlled way.

They foster patience - in the kids' lives as well as their own and the lives of their homegrown kids as well.

They foster gratitude - showing them how to be grateful in all situations and for all things.

They foster joy - because to have joy in the midst of this depraved world is necessary.

They foster trust - in their broken world, no one has been there - it's a building process - and it might be a long one, but it must be done.

They foster hope - so many of these kids lost hope a long time ago - foster parents can help find it again.

Most importantly, they foster love - the love of the only One Who gives them the strength to carry on - Christ. Without love, these precious people could not do what they do each and every day for kids that have been entrusted to them. 

It strikes me that God calls on people in so many different ways. I really believe that if God sincerely calls you to foster (or adopt), then you must really have a heart like His. It's one thing for Him to entrust our own children to us, but to choose you to entrust someone else's child to your love and care is a call like no other. 

So to foster parents everywhere, you are seen. 

In my eyes, you are warriors. You are champions. You are conquerors. You are heroes. Don't give up the good fight. You have people cheering for you. And more importantly, you have a God that called you to this battle to fight for His children. Don't give up. Don't back down. You've got this! Well, HE'S got this!

Image retrieved from: www.conservativedailynews.com

My Answered Prayer

For so long, I struggled with the feeling of loneliness. Not in all situations, as I am not at all lonely in my marital relationship. My husband and I enjoy a wonderful marriage. I also have an amazing mother that is there for me in everything. But a girl still needs her girlfriends. I've blogged before about feeling as if I didn't have any really close friends - ones I could call on for anything. My best friend growing up (who is and always will be like family to me) is on the other side of the country almost and my other bestie is in northern Florida. I don't see or talk to either one as often as I'd like and I honestly didn't have any friends close to my age that lived nearby. I am part of an amazing church full of incredible Godly women but I still just hadn't found friends that felt close enough to tell anything to - - - until now.

God has blessed my life with some incredible women who each have amazing spirits. He has answered a prayer that I have prayed multiple times and a prayer that has been on my heart for a few years. I never expected that 7 or 8 weeks ago, I would be able to call this group of women by best friends but I can honestly say that's what they've become.

When I look at how we interact with one another, I honestly have never been a part of a more God-honoring friendship than what we have between us. Not only do we study the Bible together, we pray together and for each other. We intercede like crazy on one another's behalves. We "break bread" together (meaning we stuff our faces every Monday together-lol!). We bear each other's burdens so that the tough times of life are easier to handle because we have each other. We rejoice with each other in our celebrations. And though it might be tough at times, we are blatantly honest with one another. This is exactly how the Bible tells us to do life together and that's how we do it...every day. 

I know without a doubt that these girls will be there when I need them. I can call on any of them at any time and I know that they will come to my aid either by prayer or physically dropping what they are doing and coming. And I would do the same for each of them. 

I'm also extremely grateful for a husband who is happy that I've found this group of girls to share our lives with. They're crazy but he loves them and actually enjoys having them over. The two of us have grown so much in the Lord this year. He is teaching us new things every day and is chiseling away the junk that is not of Him. Sometimes that chisel hurts - but it is necessary for growth in Him. At the beginning of the year, we felt like this year was going to be different than the rest in so many ways: spiritually, financially, physically. We're already seeing big changes and we're ready for anything God has in store for us. 

Without a doubt, I have a loooooong way to go before I am anywhere NEAR where I want to be in the Lord, but I'm working on it every day. But words cannot express how grateful I am for this one answered prayer He has seen fit to bless me with. He is a great God - - - none can describe. 

Image retrieved from www.pinterest.com

These girls were the answer to my prayer! 

God Doesn't Care About My Bucket List

I've been thinking a lot about this topic lately. While I am generally a realist who knows that many of the things that I desire to do will never happen, I still have "dreams." But in my quest to go deeper with Christ and really follow after Him, I have come to what might be a startling conclusion for some: God really doesn't care so much about my bucket list - you know - the list of things I want to do before I "kick the bucket."

Does God care about the small details in our lives? Yes!
Does He care about the things that we care about? Absolutely!

But there is a line drawn and many of us never notice it.

At this point, I'm thinking it might be of importance to back up a few paces and clear this up a bit. I would dare say that it depends on what is on your bucket list. Because, I know some people and their bucket list has nothing but Kingdom work on it and I would venture a guess that He would be ALL about that bucket list and your desire to do His work. But what about the other less "Kingdom-y" goals?

Here are a few of mine:
-Take a Disney Cruise with my family
-Spend a week in the mountains with just my hubby
-Ride in a hot air balloon
-Buy a new car without financing
-Be able to build the home of our dreams

There are more on this bucket list of mine and are any of them wrong? No. There's nothing wrong or sinful about these particular items. But when I look at them, I don't see anything in them that would advance the Kingdom. And if it's not benefiting the Kingdom, I'm not entirely sure God will see fit to carry them out. 

---Insert 1.5 week break here where I didn't work on this blog because, well....life!

In the last 6 weeks, God has turned my life upside down. He has begun to break my heart for what breaks His in ways I cannot even begin to describe. He has flip-flopped my priorities, trampled my own desires, and chiseled away the more hidden sins I carry. 

My ultimate goal has changed drastically and that is that my desires would begin to match His. That's all I really want. Would I do all the things on the list above if given the time, money, and opportunity? Probably. But if none of those ever happen, I am perfectly fine with that. As long as I have followed the will of my Father and sought Him with all of my heart, I will have accomplished the greatest bucket list item of all - to become more like Him and less like me. That's all I really want. I want to resemble my Father more than myself. 

So, I really don't think God cares as much about my aforementioned bucket list. Does that mean He won't provide an opportunity for me to cross one or more of those items off my list? No. He very well could. But I don't think any of those are His goals for my life either. He has a much bigger and better plan and I am all about THAT!

Image retrieved from: virgomind.wordpress.com 

I love this list for many reasons:

-Following Jesus means taking risks so if you're following Jesus, you're currently accomplishing #2.

-Changing lives is what following Jesus is about...making disciples. It's the great commission in 3 words.

-Letting go is forgiveness. Enough said.

-You'll stumble and fall and do stupid things but God works all things for good so, no regrets people.

-Live out your faith. Live it and all the rest will fall into line. 

So, what's on your "bucket list?"

Where is the Love?

If you follow political/religious news or social media AT ALL, then you've probably heard by now about the decision by world relief organization, World Vision, to change its hiring policies to include homosexuals who are married and are faithful to their marriages; while at the same time they require their single employees to abstain from sex until marriage. Okay, here goes: I do not at all agree with the stance that World Vision has taken. They are essentially condoning one sin while still "outlawing" another. They are essentially saying that, "Hey you can work for us if you sin this way, but you can't if you sin that way." That makes zero sense to me, but whatever. That's my mature way of closing that argument: whatever.

On the other hand, sin is sin and WE ALL DO IT! Show me one person who hasn't sinned, besides my Savior. And here's the real issue: isn't one of our Lord's greatest commandments to love ALL? My biggest problem with this whole situation is that now there are professing Christians CHOOSING to pull their support of children who rely on them for food and clean water and shelter and education simply because they don't like what World Vision did. Now, I don't sponsor a World Vision child but I have in the past and I currently sponsor a Compassion International child and as long as my sponsorship keeps her belly full, her thirst quenched, and her family thriving - I really don't care about the hiring policies of the organization. I really don't.

Yes, homosexuality is a sin and God doesn't like it...but he also doesn't like it when we gossip, or lie, or cheat, or (insert sin here). I've grown increasingly irritated with "Christians" who decide to boycott anything that "breaks God's heart." They are the first to point out the speck in someone else's eye without even thinking about the big giant plank protruding from their own. You know what else breaks God's heart? Starving children! So, yes, maybe World Vision's decision-making is a bit skewed and it might be doubling back on a standard they had previously set but when's the last time you made a poor decision or compromised or did something that was stupid? Did people give up on you? Did they give up on your family or the people close to you because of your decisions?

Jesus said feed the hungry, clothe the naked, take care of the widow and orphan. Not sure about anyone else's but my Bible doesn't say "do all these things...unless of course the organization you're working through decides to hire someone who sins openly." I don't see the logic in the arguments of professing Christians who are blaming World Vision for causing them to pull their sponsorship and I definitely don't see how one could sleep at night after choosing to "stick it to World Vision" rather than keep the bellies of these sweet and precious children full. 

Where's the love, folks? Have you forgotten? 
"The greatest of these is love."
"Love covers a multitude of sins."
"Love your neighbor."
"Love never fails."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't see the love here. Where is the love in choosing to betray innocent children in the name of religious correctness? Basically, it all boils down to loving the kids and not worrying about what sins are being allowed openly in the workplace of the organization. Love. The. Kids.

That is all.

How could you give up faces like these?

(Image borrowed from www.everydayhero.com.au )

***Oh, and this just in: World Vision actually reversed its original decision and is sticking to biblical principles in its hiring policy. Great...but the above rant still stands. 

Sword at my Side

This ladies Bible Study I'm in right now (and probably for a loooong time to come-praise Jesus) has been a game changer for me. And by game changer, I mean it has totally wrecked my former way of life. I was seriously stuck in the common trap of complacency and comfort...and the sad thing was that I didn't mind it there. That's the problem with a lot of Christians these days....we are content to be complacent. But being complacent is actually spiritually draining - which seems ironic if you think about it. You'd think it would be more draining to actively seek the Lord but it's actually energizing, in the spiritual sense.

When you are simply going through life without seeking first the Kingdom, you don't have the proper attire or the proper strength to fight off the enemy, so when his attacks come (and come they will), you are not prepared. You have no defense. Trying to run from the attack drains you more and doing this on your own will eventually cause you to surrender to the wrong side.

In our incredible study of Nehemiah, we have bumped across countless instances where the relevance of this Old Testament story has blown me away. This really shouldn't happen as the Bible has been, is today, and always will be relevant in any culture but you get the point. In Chapter 4, when the enemies of the Jews rebuilding the wall are threatening death, Nehemiah says this: 

"And I looked, and arose and said to the nobles, to the leaders, and to the rest of the people,“Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, great and awesome, and fight for your brethren, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses.”

15 And it happened, when our enemies heard that it was known to us, and that God had brought their plot to nothing, that all of us returned to the wall, everyone to his work. 16 So it was, from that time on, that half of my servants worked at construction, while the other half held the spears, the shields, the bows, and wore armor; and the leaders were behind all the house of Judah. 17 Those who built on the wall, and those who carried burdens, loaded themselves so that with one hand they worked at construction, and with the other held a weapon.18 Every one of the builders had his sword girded at his side as he built." 

There is so much in these five verses that I could probably sit here and write for hours and never scratch the surface. So I'll focus on the areas I emphasized in bold italics. First of all, in every trial, whenever you are facing opposition, REMEMBER THE LORD, GREAT AND AWESOME! Before, during, and after the fight - remember the Lord. He is faithful and because He is for us, no one can truly be against us. Because God is for us, He will bring the enemy's plot to nothing. We will overcome in His name. But when you are facing spiritual warfare (as we all are - we just don't see it), life as we live it ceases to exist. We have to have a "from that time on" sort of stance where we decide that we are going to do things differently from now on.

And that brings me to the crucible of this whole passage. 

Notice that the Jews continued to build the wall. They continued doing the work of the Lord despite the enemy's threats and despite the opposition they were facing. They had a job to do. But notice - do not miss it, friends - that "every one of the builders had his sword girded at his side as he built." Isn't that how we should be? Shouldn't we have the sword of the Spirit, that is, the very WORD OF GOD, girded at our side as we go about doing the work of the Lord. It has to be so. The word "girded" as defined on dictionary.com (hey, don't judge me) is this: "to encircle or bind with a belt or band; to surround or enclose; to prepare for action; [and my personal favorite] - to provide or equip with power or strength." The sword of the Spirit, the word of God, equips us with the power we need to defend against the enemy when he comes in the midst of our building and working. 

It's no coincidence that our Pastor spoke on the sword of the Spirit on Sunday and about how the Word does not exist to increase our knowledge but to change our lives. Our very Savior used it to defend against the temptations of Satan in the wilderness and HE WAS THE SON OF GOD. Who are we to think we don't have to have it attached to us at all times. Does it literally mean that you are going to walk around with a Bible hanging from your belt loops, slapping you in the knees as you walk? I mean, you totally could and I will not judge you at all. Maybe you can start a new trend. But it needs to be in our hearts. We need to know it. And when I say, "WE," the first person I'm addressing is myself. In the last few weeks though, I've grown such an affection for the Word and I'm just thirsty for more of it. So as the Lord takes me deeper into relationship with Him, I am keeping His Word, my Sword, at my side. When the enemy comes, I plan to be ready. Who's with me?

Image retrieved from google images.

We've Gotten it Wrong

In an effort to pull myself out of this spiritual slump I've been in, I have been reading more avidly and also doing my best at having some sort of daily bible study. And in my measly little effort to be faithful, God has been even more so and is reaching out and drawing me closer to Him. Oh, how I've missed that embrace.

I finished "Believing God" by Beth Moore which was amazing and now I've started "Radical" by David Platt and it is tearing me up. I haven't picked it up in the past week for the simple fact that I had to give my metaphorical bruises time to heal before diving in again. I've also had the privilege of joining a small and intimate ladies Bible Study on Monday nights with an amazing group of women that I absolutely adore. We are studying Nehemiah and I have to say, it is quickly becoming one of my favorite books in the Old Testament. On top of that study, our small group that meets every other week has started a different study by David Platt called "Follow Me." So I feel like I have been blessed with studies that will stretch my faith, deepen my love for God, and allow me the opportunity to dig into His Word with an unquenchable thirst. Oh, I am so ready for that.

With all the reading and studying I've been doing, I've been thinking more and more about the American Church and the American "version" of Christianity. As I read stories of what Christianity and Christ means to people in other countries and have seen videos of people receiving Bibles translated in their native tongues for the first time, I am truly coming to the realization that America has gotten this Christianity thing all wrong.The Church in America has missed the mark. And it's time to fix it.

I have to say that I am so blessed and honored to be part of a body of believers that is in fact trying to fix it, at least in our corner of Lakeland for now. We are trying to bust through the status quo. The American Church presents a "country club" mentality. It stresses becoming a member of a church rather than a follower of Jesus. It is more concerned with the outward appearance of its building, the color of the carpet, and the programs it offers than it is about the true nature of the souls inside. Sadly, some of the most lost people can be found in a pew every Sunday morning. Your association with a church does not equal your salvation. Now, don't get me wrong. I think it is of utmost importance for believers to be part of a church, or a body of believers that is actively seeking the Lord. The Bible even states that we should not forsake the brethren. Corporate worship is important. As Christians, it is vital to be around other believers to encourage you, pray for you, lift you up when you fall, and hold you accountable. That doesn't happen if you're going the Christian life solo. God created us to be in fellowship. But He also created us to worship and love ONE.

I don't state this to point the finger...because if I were doing that, I would have to have several pointed at myself. I have missed the mark too many times to count. But thanks be to God that His mercies and grace never run dry.

Here's the thing: if you call yourself a Christian, LIVE IT. Don't let that term just be a title. It is NOT a title. It is a way of life...and the ONLY way to Life. To be a Christian is to be a follower of Christ - - - that is, to do as He commanded. "Take up your cross DAILY, and follow Him." We have to die to ourselves. We have to make a conscious decision each and every day to follow Him. And you're either following Him or you're following the world, which is ultimately the devil. To "take up your cross" is literally to "take up an instrument of death." It's not glamorous and honestly, nothing about the Christian life is glamorous. If you're following Christ as He commands, you're going to get dirty. Life will be messy. It will be hard. But I promise you, it will be worth it.

Following Christ does not equal crossing off a list of things you're supposed to do each day. It's not a list of do's and don'ts. As our small group leader's wife so eloquently put it on Saturday night: "It's not take up your list and follow Me; it's take up your cross and follow Me." Lay the list down people. Lay it down and simply fall at the feet of Jesus. Be broken over your sin. Allow the King to empty you of yourself and fill you up with His Spirit. In order for the American Church to get past what it's done wrong and how it has failed the lost, it has to start by being completely broken before the Lord.

Last night at Bible Study, we listened to an amazing song by Jimmy Needham called "Clear the Stage." It totally resonates with this topic of getting it wrong and what to do to start to get it right. I was already in the midst of writing this very blog when I heard it last night. It completely speaks to this topic.

A portion of the lyrics:
"Take a break from all the plans that you have made
And sit at home alone and wait for God to whisper
Beg Him please to open up His mouth and speak
And pray for real upon your knees until they blister
Shine the light on every corner of your life
Until the pride and lust and lies are in the open
Then read the word and put to test the things you've heard
Until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken

'cause you can sing all you want to
Yes you can sing all you want to
You can sing all you want to
And still get it wrong 
Oh worship is more than a song"

Jimmy Needham: "Clear the Stage" Let this song speak to your heart!