We've Gotten it Wrong

In an effort to pull myself out of this spiritual slump I've been in, I have been reading more avidly and also doing my best at having some sort of daily bible study. And in my measly little effort to be faithful, God has been even more so and is reaching out and drawing me closer to Him. Oh, how I've missed that embrace.

I finished "Believing God" by Beth Moore which was amazing and now I've started "Radical" by David Platt and it is tearing me up. I haven't picked it up in the past week for the simple fact that I had to give my metaphorical bruises time to heal before diving in again. I've also had the privilege of joining a small and intimate ladies Bible Study on Monday nights with an amazing group of women that I absolutely adore. We are studying Nehemiah and I have to say, it is quickly becoming one of my favorite books in the Old Testament. On top of that study, our small group that meets every other week has started a different study by David Platt called "Follow Me." So I feel like I have been blessed with studies that will stretch my faith, deepen my love for God, and allow me the opportunity to dig into His Word with an unquenchable thirst. Oh, I am so ready for that.

With all the reading and studying I've been doing, I've been thinking more and more about the American Church and the American "version" of Christianity. As I read stories of what Christianity and Christ means to people in other countries and have seen videos of people receiving Bibles translated in their native tongues for the first time, I am truly coming to the realization that America has gotten this Christianity thing all wrong.The Church in America has missed the mark. And it's time to fix it.

I have to say that I am so blessed and honored to be part of a body of believers that is in fact trying to fix it, at least in our corner of Lakeland for now. We are trying to bust through the status quo. The American Church presents a "country club" mentality. It stresses becoming a member of a church rather than a follower of Jesus. It is more concerned with the outward appearance of its building, the color of the carpet, and the programs it offers than it is about the true nature of the souls inside. Sadly, some of the most lost people can be found in a pew every Sunday morning. Your association with a church does not equal your salvation. Now, don't get me wrong. I think it is of utmost importance for believers to be part of a church, or a body of believers that is actively seeking the Lord. The Bible even states that we should not forsake the brethren. Corporate worship is important. As Christians, it is vital to be around other believers to encourage you, pray for you, lift you up when you fall, and hold you accountable. That doesn't happen if you're going the Christian life solo. God created us to be in fellowship. But He also created us to worship and love ONE.

I don't state this to point the finger...because if I were doing that, I would have to have several pointed at myself. I have missed the mark too many times to count. But thanks be to God that His mercies and grace never run dry.

Here's the thing: if you call yourself a Christian, LIVE IT. Don't let that term just be a title. It is NOT a title. It is a way of life...and the ONLY way to Life. To be a Christian is to be a follower of Christ - - - that is, to do as He commanded. "Take up your cross DAILY, and follow Him." We have to die to ourselves. We have to make a conscious decision each and every day to follow Him. And you're either following Him or you're following the world, which is ultimately the devil. To "take up your cross" is literally to "take up an instrument of death." It's not glamorous and honestly, nothing about the Christian life is glamorous. If you're following Christ as He commands, you're going to get dirty. Life will be messy. It will be hard. But I promise you, it will be worth it.

Following Christ does not equal crossing off a list of things you're supposed to do each day. It's not a list of do's and don'ts. As our small group leader's wife so eloquently put it on Saturday night: "It's not take up your list and follow Me; it's take up your cross and follow Me." Lay the list down people. Lay it down and simply fall at the feet of Jesus. Be broken over your sin. Allow the King to empty you of yourself and fill you up with His Spirit. In order for the American Church to get past what it's done wrong and how it has failed the lost, it has to start by being completely broken before the Lord.

Last night at Bible Study, we listened to an amazing song by Jimmy Needham called "Clear the Stage." It totally resonates with this topic of getting it wrong and what to do to start to get it right. I was already in the midst of writing this very blog when I heard it last night. It completely speaks to this topic.

A portion of the lyrics:
"Take a break from all the plans that you have made
And sit at home alone and wait for God to whisper
Beg Him please to open up His mouth and speak
And pray for real upon your knees until they blister
Shine the light on every corner of your life
Until the pride and lust and lies are in the open
Then read the word and put to test the things you've heard
Until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken

'cause you can sing all you want to
Yes you can sing all you want to
You can sing all you want to
And still get it wrong 
Oh worship is more than a song"

Jimmy Needham: "Clear the Stage" Let this song speak to your heart!

A Case of Crazy

I know, I know. It's been another month since I blogged. I am telling you, if this life could get any crazier, you'd have to stick me in the loony bin. Mostly, my mind has been consumed with work...all things grades, lesson plans, data, ever-changing seating charts, FCAT prep, Common Core, etc., etc., etc. If I could wedge something else into this tiny brain of mine, it would be a miracle. I have never been so mentally exhausted in my career. I am working harder now than I think I ever have at my job and have been at work late for almost the last 2 weeks...and by late I mean a good hour/hour and a half past my contract time, not to mention the work I bring home with me and do - no, really, I have actually been DOING the work I bring home. Shocker!

Sadly, all of this has made me feel slightly estranged from my loving family. Thankfully, I have an amazingly understanding and supportive husband. There have been so many changes at work and just when I think I've gotten used to something, another change pops up. When I cross one thing off my list, 5 more get added and I don't feel like I'm catching up, ever. And surprisingly, this is not a case of procrastination. I am actually staying on top of grading and whatnot but I just have SO MUCH! Unfortunately, it's not just me. This is quite simply...the life of a teacher.

I am also in the midst of kicking my 31 Gifts business up a notch and am really seeing God open doors for me. For those that don't know, this business is giving me the express opportunity to give to others and will hopefully, as time progresses, allow us to pay off some debt and save extra money. So with my increased business volume, I will be staying busy with that too (but that's fun stuff!).

I do have several topics I want to blog about but my thoughts are slightly incoherent at the moment and I want to make sure I word things eloquently. I simply wanted to let my faithful few readers know that I am still here and I haven't forsaken my blog...I've just been on an unplanned hiatus. I will return...

Finishing...

This year kinda snuck up on me. Man, 2014 came flying in like a 747 jet. I usually take the time a week or so before the new year to decide what sort of goals/changes/additions/subtractions I want to make in the new year. This year was different. Here I am nearly three weeks in and I have FINALLY discovered my goal for the year (and beyond). I have one goal:

FINISH WHAT I START.

Sounds lame doesn't it? But, I'm a great starter. I start a lot of things. I plan a lot of things that sound amazing in my head. I talk about them and get excited about them and go "gang-busters" on said projects for an unspecified amount of time and then....I never finish. I honestly have no idea why I am this way. All I really can say is I certainly did not inherit it from my mother...she finishes.

So I figured with this new goal, it can encompass a whole slew of things that I'd like to accomplish this year because really, the only way to accomplish them is to work on the aforementioned goal. 

I want to be a finisher. 

I went back to this time last year and read some of my blog posts. The same things I was talking about then are the very same things that I'm still "talking" about because I haven't done much. I've decided to stop talking. Unless I am taking actual steps toward accomplishing something, I'm keeping my big mouth shut.

I know that God has a plan for everything and sometimes we get a glimpse of that plan and get excited but it's not in His timing yet. How many times did He give promises to people in the Bible but they had to wait until His time to see them come through? 

I do know one thing: in order to be a finisher, I have to have discipline in my life. I have to discipline myself to eat better, exercise, spend time with the Father, save money, and be a selfless wife and mother. I am only human and I know I will not always get it right but I have to do better. I have to daily strive to be a better person than I was the day before. 

Our Pastor made a really good point on Sunday. He was speaking in terms of our relationship with the Almighty and he said that our relationship is never the same tomorrow as it is today. It's either better tomorrow because we are walking in faith or it's worse because we're walking in the world. That's a paraphrase but that was the gist of it. Armed with that new insight, I have to do better. I want to do better. In order to be and do better, I have to finish what I start. 

It sound really simple and honestly, it should be. I'm the one that makes it complex and drawn out. I'm the one that gets in the way. I am, in fact, my own worst enemy. But I am striving to do better. 

This time next year, I hope to be writing a blog about all I've managed to finish over the course of the year because I relied on God and walked in faith. 



Oh, walking in faith.....stay tuned for another post coming soon about "Out of the Boat Faith."

Image from: nerdvolution.wordpress.com

Search Me...

I should be going to bed right now. It's never a good idea for me to be up past 10 but I don't think I could sleep right now anyway...not after my own personal worship encounter in my office.

If you're a faithful reader, you know about my "Wilderness Journey" or you can read it here.

To get through the wilderness I have been doing my best at being diligent to do my devotion (doing a YouVersion one about Prayer right now), write in my prayer journal, and just spend some time in the Word and praying each night. And when I say I've been doing my best, what I really mean is I could be doing a whole lot better and I'm starting to find 30 minutes before bed is probably not the best time and I tend to fall asleep while I'm either writing in my prayer journal or reading mid-sentence in "Believing God." Ugh...me. 

That's the problem...me. Ever take a look inside yourself and just really not like what you see? Yea...that's me. I'm rather disgusted with myself right now actually - my attitudes about things and situations and people. 

A friend posted a Kari Jobe song on facebook called "Find You on My Knees" and man oh man - it wrecked me. I'm talking head in hands, tears streaming down my face neck, snot running over (you get the picture). I sat on my knees in my office kneeling at my office chair while I played that song over a few times and just cried out to God (in a whisper of course since I don't want to wake the sleepers in the house). The scripture, "Search me oh God, and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts.See if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" has been weighing heavily on me...especially the second part. I asked God fervently to search my heart and chisel away the nasty stuff because I know there's plenty of it. My ugly thoughts about people, my less than Christ-like reactions to situations, my lack of love for the very people that God has called me to love - - - it's all gotta go. 

I read a blog post by a friend today who was talking about her social media fast and what God has been teaching her and ya know what? I think it may be time for another one. I've done two in the past - one last year around the beginning of the year and one the year before that. Only, I have to do something different with my fast this time and I haven't quite figured out what that will be yet. All I know is this: God has searched me and He is revealing the things in myself that I want gone. That might call for some drastic measures - but then again, Jesus does call us to some drastic measures doesn't He? 

I have found out that the "searching" part doesn't hurt at all. The "revealing" part tends to cause some pressure. But when God gets to "chiseling" and "chipping" away that yuck in your life, it tends to cause pain. But that is what this process is going to take. It might hurt - but in the end, I hope to come out of it shining like Jesus - - - looking less like me, and more like Him.


Search Me

I asked you to search me
You said it might hurt
I said I didn't mind
As long as it worked

You said, "Oh it will -
But I have to go deep
I have to chip off
All that gunk you can't keep."

Whatever it takes, Lord
Now, I'm all Yours.
"Oh, you've always been mine, dear
Of that you can be sure."

Make sure You get it all, God
All that stuff that weighs me down
I'm tired and weary
Of simply carrying it around

"I'll get it rid of it all, love
Anything not of Me
You'll be a different person
Just wait and see."

I'm so sorry, Lord
For letting You down
I thought I had it under control
Till I started to drown.

"My Hand has always been there
But listen here, my love
You can't let Me down
You've never held Me up."

"Get this right, dear child
It is I that hold you
You are in My hands forever
Remember that truth."




He holds you up - not the other way around. Remember that, friends. 

Beautiful image retrieved from: chelseyrogers.wordpress.com 

In the Wilderness

I haven't blogged much lately.

When I overhauled my blog page, the plan was to blog regularly each week. But my problem is that I don't tend to want to blog about superficial things...at least, if I do, I don't tend to share them on facebook. I share my blog when I post something I feel has some "meat" to it or engages some sort of intelligent thought.
Lately, I haven't felt it. I've sat staring at a blank blog screen wanting to write something that will make my small collection of loyal readers think deeply about matters of faith and life and parenting and relationships. I just haven't felt inspired. Not cool for a wanna-be author.

I've been wondering why this was so for several weeks - pondering why I couldn't get inspired to write anything. I was in the shower the other night (sorry for the overshare) and I just started praying. It was then that I realized that my lack of inspiration came from a lack of preparation which stemmed from a lack of passion. My inspiration comes from the Lord but I haven't been preparing myself by staying in the Word or maintaining a daily prayer life simply because the passion to do so has waned.

Why? Beats me...

I love the Lord and I desire to be in His will and I desire to be the Christ-follower I am meant to be, but that desire has not equaled passion lately and my lack of passion has turned into a loss of inspiration. But, you see, it shouldn't matter whether I have a "passion" to read the living word of God or whether I have a "passion" to stay in communication with my Creator. What should matter is that I do it anyway - and doing it anyway will eventually create passion. My prayer in the shower the other night was that the Lord would restore to me the joy of my salvation. David had to pray the same thing didn't he?

I started reading "Believing God" by Beth Moore thanks to a free download and it's perfect for what I feel I'm going through spiritually right now - a wilderness journey. I'm Heaven-bound, I've been set free, I'm no longer in bondage, but I'm stuck in the wilderness and have not reached my Promised Land yet. Why am I the wilderness? While I'm not sure I know the answer to that one yet, I do know it is not God who moved. He is constant and unchanging. I am the one who has, in a sense, gotten lazy in her walk to the Promised Land. And, instead of feeling like I'm moving forward, I feel like I am at a stand still. You know who can fix that problem? Me. Just me. 

Beth Moore, in her book, challenges readers to take on 3 Faith practices for a chosen amount of time. I have yet to decide how long I want to do these 3 things but I am expecting big things to come from it. I don't care too much for the wilderness, even though my God is faithful in the midst of it. I want to keep moving forward and eventually find myself in the land that God has promised me - whatever and wherever that might be. 

Maybe my promised land awaits right through the fog...perhaps it's the fog (the unknown) that scares me. 

(Photo obtained through google images)

The Tradition Edition

Traditions have always been a huge part of my life and something I hold quite dear to me. In fact, as a young child, if a tradition was interrupted in any way I may have thrown a minor tantrum. Messing with my traditions (especially around the holidays) was not something I took lightly. Perhaps that is because my mother always made sure that holidays were special. Christmas was no exception. For the better part of my young life, I knew what to expect out of Christmas - whether spent in Florida or Alabama. It was always spent with my grandparents whether we went to Alabama the day we got out of school for break or they drove down to Florida. We always baked oatmeal scotchies and tried unsuccessfully to keep my grandpa out of the kitchen during the process (and away from the cookie jar thereafter). The tree would be LOADED with gifts and I always took the liberty of counting how many gifts I had. Hey, what kid doesn't?

Christmas Eve was usually spent at a Christmas Eve candlelight service followed by driving around looking at lights. I used to love driving around the historic section of Hartselle or Decatur to admire their classy decor. We'd usually have some delicious finger foods accompanied by hot chocolate Christmas Eve night and then we would exchange gifts among each other. Christmas Day was usually reserved for the Littles - which for the longest time was just me. "Santa's" gifts would be wrapped under the tree, stockings would be full to overflowing, and a delicious breakfast would be made.

We would spend the day with each other, figuring out the gifts we received, playing with new toys, and simply having a great time. As years went on, we sometimes added baking a small birthday cake and singing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus.

I've carried on the tradition of making homemade sourdough bread. My mom used to make it every year when I was younger and when I got married, I took the tradition over. There's something special about that first batch of bread fresh out of the oven.

There are many traditions that we have decided to start as our own little family and I'm so excited about them. We did start the Elf on the Shelf but it's turned into more of a prolonged "hide and seek" and just something fun we do for Gabe. He enjoys looking for him each morning. We don't tell him that he'll go tell Santa about his behavior and we don't do the whole "Santa won't bring gifts if you're bad" deal. It's not about that. He will get gifts because he is loved. Simple. Jesus gave us the gift of Himself and salvation simply because we are loved. It has nothing to with how good or bad we are. We are also going to leave a "Santa sack" on Christmas Eve under the tree full of toys for other underprivileged kids so Santa can take it with him. I think we may tweak the Santa story a bit and tell him that Santa actually relies on us to help him get gifts to those who wouldn't otherwise get gifts on Christmas.

We started one Christmas book a night on the 1st but that hasn't quite worked out the way I anticipated. And you know what? That's okay. Sometimes things don't turn out the way we plan around the holidays and it's important to remember that ultimately, it's not about making everything perfect. It's about being together. Sometimes cats will get their fur all over your tree skirt and sometimes presents won't be wrapped perfectly and Christmas lights will burn out (evidenced by our currently half-lit tree at the moment), and occasionally the busyness of the season will completely overwhelm you and cause you to turn into this raging, moody person that you do not recognize or like very much. It's then that you have to stop and remember: none of that really matters. Jesus matters. Jesus who came as a baby and 33 years later died for us - despite our selves. It all boils down to Jesus. Just Jesus. He's the reason....not just for the season, but for each day of the year.

What I think I love most about Christmas time is that the rest of society tends to join in with the giving and the sharing and the caring and the loving more so than the rest of the year. For a few weeks, it seems like the world is sort of how it should be. And then the packages are opened, lights come down, trees get packed away or thrown on the front lawn and people go back to their normal selves. That's why I hate to see Christmas leave. If only the Spirit of Christmas would last all year through - - - that would be a tradition worth fretting over. 

So while you celebrate with friends and family and enjoy the company of the people you love most, remember that it's not about wrapped presents, twinkling lights, St. Nick, or snowmen - it's about Jesus. The other stuff is great and fun and I'm totally into all of it - but it's all about Jesus - all year through. 

Thought this said it perfectly.

Image retrieved from www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

A Season of Thanks

We hosted Thanksgiving at our house for the first time in a long time. Our first year we were married we hosted it but it was just my mom and my Pop & Nana. This year, I didn't spend it with any of my family, which is odd. Felt weird not seeing them or even my mother at all. But, despite the change in venue and company, it was a really nice time. We hosted for hubby's family, although I don't feel like I did much. My mother-in-law did most of the cooking at her place. I just made the mac-n-cheese (which apparently wasn't cheesy enough for my crazy picky brother in law-ha!), baked the homemade sourdough bread, and hubby made a melt-in-your-mouth delicious pumpkin cheesecake.

We had a ton of food and quite a few laughs. Then my b-i-l and s-i-l willingly took our boy with them to see her side of the family which gave hubby and I a chance to try our hand at Black Friday  Thursday shopping. I have to admit, I was a bit nervous standing in the 18 mile long line outside of Toys-R-Us. I swore a few years ago that I would NEVER do Black Friday shopping again. And then....I had a kid. Oh, the things we do for our children.

We had a very specific door-buster item we were getting and thankfully I snagged a ticket for it before even entering the doors so all I had to do was maneuver the throngs of people to find the other items I was searching for. Thank God for bonus checks! This is the first Christmas that our boy understands what it's all about pretty much and it's also the first Christmas that we've actually been able to afford stuff. I am so super stoked. I'm excited to start new traditions this year and I so cannot wait to see his precious little face on Christmas morning when he sees what he has under the tree! That's part of the magic...the littles!

This whole season, while it can become stressful and busy and filled with way too many things than one can truly accomplish, is exciting to me. My husband and I love this time of year - everything about it. 

It's the season of shopping and spending.
It's the season of giving and receiving.
It's the season of sleigh bells and twinkling lights.
But most importantly for me, it's the season of thanks.

Oh, my....I have so much for which to be thankful. 

I am most thankful for the fact that I have a Savior Who willingly came down from Heaven and was born as a little baby to be my King and one day die for me. I mean, WOW! Talk about humbled!

I have so many blessings in my life and if I tried to name them all, you would be reading forever. 

It's easy to get overwhelmed by the small, minute, honestly insignificant details that go along with this season but I encourage you to keep in mind the real reason. Thanksgiving is not just a meal. It's not just the day before big shopping (or I suppose now the day OF). It's not just one day out of the year. It encompasses the beauty of what this season and our entire lives should be about: being thankful for what we have and who we get to share it with.

Retrieved from: www.metrolifechurch.com