Finishing...

This year kinda snuck up on me. Man, 2014 came flying in like a 747 jet. I usually take the time a week or so before the new year to decide what sort of goals/changes/additions/subtractions I want to make in the new year. This year was different. Here I am nearly three weeks in and I have FINALLY discovered my goal for the year (and beyond). I have one goal:

FINISH WHAT I START.

Sounds lame doesn't it? But, I'm a great starter. I start a lot of things. I plan a lot of things that sound amazing in my head. I talk about them and get excited about them and go "gang-busters" on said projects for an unspecified amount of time and then....I never finish. I honestly have no idea why I am this way. All I really can say is I certainly did not inherit it from my mother...she finishes.

So I figured with this new goal, it can encompass a whole slew of things that I'd like to accomplish this year because really, the only way to accomplish them is to work on the aforementioned goal. 

I want to be a finisher. 

I went back to this time last year and read some of my blog posts. The same things I was talking about then are the very same things that I'm still "talking" about because I haven't done much. I've decided to stop talking. Unless I am taking actual steps toward accomplishing something, I'm keeping my big mouth shut.

I know that God has a plan for everything and sometimes we get a glimpse of that plan and get excited but it's not in His timing yet. How many times did He give promises to people in the Bible but they had to wait until His time to see them come through? 

I do know one thing: in order to be a finisher, I have to have discipline in my life. I have to discipline myself to eat better, exercise, spend time with the Father, save money, and be a selfless wife and mother. I am only human and I know I will not always get it right but I have to do better. I have to daily strive to be a better person than I was the day before. 

Our Pastor made a really good point on Sunday. He was speaking in terms of our relationship with the Almighty and he said that our relationship is never the same tomorrow as it is today. It's either better tomorrow because we are walking in faith or it's worse because we're walking in the world. That's a paraphrase but that was the gist of it. Armed with that new insight, I have to do better. I want to do better. In order to be and do better, I have to finish what I start. 

It sound really simple and honestly, it should be. I'm the one that makes it complex and drawn out. I'm the one that gets in the way. I am, in fact, my own worst enemy. But I am striving to do better. 

This time next year, I hope to be writing a blog about all I've managed to finish over the course of the year because I relied on God and walked in faith. 



Oh, walking in faith.....stay tuned for another post coming soon about "Out of the Boat Faith."

Image from: nerdvolution.wordpress.com

Search Me...

I should be going to bed right now. It's never a good idea for me to be up past 10 but I don't think I could sleep right now anyway...not after my own personal worship encounter in my office.

If you're a faithful reader, you know about my "Wilderness Journey" or you can read it here.

To get through the wilderness I have been doing my best at being diligent to do my devotion (doing a YouVersion one about Prayer right now), write in my prayer journal, and just spend some time in the Word and praying each night. And when I say I've been doing my best, what I really mean is I could be doing a whole lot better and I'm starting to find 30 minutes before bed is probably not the best time and I tend to fall asleep while I'm either writing in my prayer journal or reading mid-sentence in "Believing God." Ugh...me. 

That's the problem...me. Ever take a look inside yourself and just really not like what you see? Yea...that's me. I'm rather disgusted with myself right now actually - my attitudes about things and situations and people. 

A friend posted a Kari Jobe song on facebook called "Find You on My Knees" and man oh man - it wrecked me. I'm talking head in hands, tears streaming down my face neck, snot running over (you get the picture). I sat on my knees in my office kneeling at my office chair while I played that song over a few times and just cried out to God (in a whisper of course since I don't want to wake the sleepers in the house). The scripture, "Search me oh God, and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts.See if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" has been weighing heavily on me...especially the second part. I asked God fervently to search my heart and chisel away the nasty stuff because I know there's plenty of it. My ugly thoughts about people, my less than Christ-like reactions to situations, my lack of love for the very people that God has called me to love - - - it's all gotta go. 

I read a blog post by a friend today who was talking about her social media fast and what God has been teaching her and ya know what? I think it may be time for another one. I've done two in the past - one last year around the beginning of the year and one the year before that. Only, I have to do something different with my fast this time and I haven't quite figured out what that will be yet. All I know is this: God has searched me and He is revealing the things in myself that I want gone. That might call for some drastic measures - but then again, Jesus does call us to some drastic measures doesn't He? 

I have found out that the "searching" part doesn't hurt at all. The "revealing" part tends to cause some pressure. But when God gets to "chiseling" and "chipping" away that yuck in your life, it tends to cause pain. But that is what this process is going to take. It might hurt - but in the end, I hope to come out of it shining like Jesus - - - looking less like me, and more like Him.


Search Me

I asked you to search me
You said it might hurt
I said I didn't mind
As long as it worked

You said, "Oh it will -
But I have to go deep
I have to chip off
All that gunk you can't keep."

Whatever it takes, Lord
Now, I'm all Yours.
"Oh, you've always been mine, dear
Of that you can be sure."

Make sure You get it all, God
All that stuff that weighs me down
I'm tired and weary
Of simply carrying it around

"I'll get it rid of it all, love
Anything not of Me
You'll be a different person
Just wait and see."

I'm so sorry, Lord
For letting You down
I thought I had it under control
Till I started to drown.

"My Hand has always been there
But listen here, my love
You can't let Me down
You've never held Me up."

"Get this right, dear child
It is I that hold you
You are in My hands forever
Remember that truth."




He holds you up - not the other way around. Remember that, friends. 

Beautiful image retrieved from: chelseyrogers.wordpress.com 

In the Wilderness

I haven't blogged much lately.

When I overhauled my blog page, the plan was to blog regularly each week. But my problem is that I don't tend to want to blog about superficial things...at least, if I do, I don't tend to share them on facebook. I share my blog when I post something I feel has some "meat" to it or engages some sort of intelligent thought.
Lately, I haven't felt it. I've sat staring at a blank blog screen wanting to write something that will make my small collection of loyal readers think deeply about matters of faith and life and parenting and relationships. I just haven't felt inspired. Not cool for a wanna-be author.

I've been wondering why this was so for several weeks - pondering why I couldn't get inspired to write anything. I was in the shower the other night (sorry for the overshare) and I just started praying. It was then that I realized that my lack of inspiration came from a lack of preparation which stemmed from a lack of passion. My inspiration comes from the Lord but I haven't been preparing myself by staying in the Word or maintaining a daily prayer life simply because the passion to do so has waned.

Why? Beats me...

I love the Lord and I desire to be in His will and I desire to be the Christ-follower I am meant to be, but that desire has not equaled passion lately and my lack of passion has turned into a loss of inspiration. But, you see, it shouldn't matter whether I have a "passion" to read the living word of God or whether I have a "passion" to stay in communication with my Creator. What should matter is that I do it anyway - and doing it anyway will eventually create passion. My prayer in the shower the other night was that the Lord would restore to me the joy of my salvation. David had to pray the same thing didn't he?

I started reading "Believing God" by Beth Moore thanks to a free download and it's perfect for what I feel I'm going through spiritually right now - a wilderness journey. I'm Heaven-bound, I've been set free, I'm no longer in bondage, but I'm stuck in the wilderness and have not reached my Promised Land yet. Why am I the wilderness? While I'm not sure I know the answer to that one yet, I do know it is not God who moved. He is constant and unchanging. I am the one who has, in a sense, gotten lazy in her walk to the Promised Land. And, instead of feeling like I'm moving forward, I feel like I am at a stand still. You know who can fix that problem? Me. Just me. 

Beth Moore, in her book, challenges readers to take on 3 Faith practices for a chosen amount of time. I have yet to decide how long I want to do these 3 things but I am expecting big things to come from it. I don't care too much for the wilderness, even though my God is faithful in the midst of it. I want to keep moving forward and eventually find myself in the land that God has promised me - whatever and wherever that might be. 

Maybe my promised land awaits right through the fog...perhaps it's the fog (the unknown) that scares me. 

(Photo obtained through google images)

The Tradition Edition

Traditions have always been a huge part of my life and something I hold quite dear to me. In fact, as a young child, if a tradition was interrupted in any way I may have thrown a minor tantrum. Messing with my traditions (especially around the holidays) was not something I took lightly. Perhaps that is because my mother always made sure that holidays were special. Christmas was no exception. For the better part of my young life, I knew what to expect out of Christmas - whether spent in Florida or Alabama. It was always spent with my grandparents whether we went to Alabama the day we got out of school for break or they drove down to Florida. We always baked oatmeal scotchies and tried unsuccessfully to keep my grandpa out of the kitchen during the process (and away from the cookie jar thereafter). The tree would be LOADED with gifts and I always took the liberty of counting how many gifts I had. Hey, what kid doesn't?

Christmas Eve was usually spent at a Christmas Eve candlelight service followed by driving around looking at lights. I used to love driving around the historic section of Hartselle or Decatur to admire their classy decor. We'd usually have some delicious finger foods accompanied by hot chocolate Christmas Eve night and then we would exchange gifts among each other. Christmas Day was usually reserved for the Littles - which for the longest time was just me. "Santa's" gifts would be wrapped under the tree, stockings would be full to overflowing, and a delicious breakfast would be made.

We would spend the day with each other, figuring out the gifts we received, playing with new toys, and simply having a great time. As years went on, we sometimes added baking a small birthday cake and singing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus.

I've carried on the tradition of making homemade sourdough bread. My mom used to make it every year when I was younger and when I got married, I took the tradition over. There's something special about that first batch of bread fresh out of the oven.

There are many traditions that we have decided to start as our own little family and I'm so excited about them. We did start the Elf on the Shelf but it's turned into more of a prolonged "hide and seek" and just something fun we do for Gabe. He enjoys looking for him each morning. We don't tell him that he'll go tell Santa about his behavior and we don't do the whole "Santa won't bring gifts if you're bad" deal. It's not about that. He will get gifts because he is loved. Simple. Jesus gave us the gift of Himself and salvation simply because we are loved. It has nothing to with how good or bad we are. We are also going to leave a "Santa sack" on Christmas Eve under the tree full of toys for other underprivileged kids so Santa can take it with him. I think we may tweak the Santa story a bit and tell him that Santa actually relies on us to help him get gifts to those who wouldn't otherwise get gifts on Christmas.

We started one Christmas book a night on the 1st but that hasn't quite worked out the way I anticipated. And you know what? That's okay. Sometimes things don't turn out the way we plan around the holidays and it's important to remember that ultimately, it's not about making everything perfect. It's about being together. Sometimes cats will get their fur all over your tree skirt and sometimes presents won't be wrapped perfectly and Christmas lights will burn out (evidenced by our currently half-lit tree at the moment), and occasionally the busyness of the season will completely overwhelm you and cause you to turn into this raging, moody person that you do not recognize or like very much. It's then that you have to stop and remember: none of that really matters. Jesus matters. Jesus who came as a baby and 33 years later died for us - despite our selves. It all boils down to Jesus. Just Jesus. He's the reason....not just for the season, but for each day of the year.

What I think I love most about Christmas time is that the rest of society tends to join in with the giving and the sharing and the caring and the loving more so than the rest of the year. For a few weeks, it seems like the world is sort of how it should be. And then the packages are opened, lights come down, trees get packed away or thrown on the front lawn and people go back to their normal selves. That's why I hate to see Christmas leave. If only the Spirit of Christmas would last all year through - - - that would be a tradition worth fretting over. 

So while you celebrate with friends and family and enjoy the company of the people you love most, remember that it's not about wrapped presents, twinkling lights, St. Nick, or snowmen - it's about Jesus. The other stuff is great and fun and I'm totally into all of it - but it's all about Jesus - all year through. 

Thought this said it perfectly.

Image retrieved from www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk

A Season of Thanks

We hosted Thanksgiving at our house for the first time in a long time. Our first year we were married we hosted it but it was just my mom and my Pop & Nana. This year, I didn't spend it with any of my family, which is odd. Felt weird not seeing them or even my mother at all. But, despite the change in venue and company, it was a really nice time. We hosted for hubby's family, although I don't feel like I did much. My mother-in-law did most of the cooking at her place. I just made the mac-n-cheese (which apparently wasn't cheesy enough for my crazy picky brother in law-ha!), baked the homemade sourdough bread, and hubby made a melt-in-your-mouth delicious pumpkin cheesecake.

We had a ton of food and quite a few laughs. Then my b-i-l and s-i-l willingly took our boy with them to see her side of the family which gave hubby and I a chance to try our hand at Black Friday  Thursday shopping. I have to admit, I was a bit nervous standing in the 18 mile long line outside of Toys-R-Us. I swore a few years ago that I would NEVER do Black Friday shopping again. And then....I had a kid. Oh, the things we do for our children.

We had a very specific door-buster item we were getting and thankfully I snagged a ticket for it before even entering the doors so all I had to do was maneuver the throngs of people to find the other items I was searching for. Thank God for bonus checks! This is the first Christmas that our boy understands what it's all about pretty much and it's also the first Christmas that we've actually been able to afford stuff. I am so super stoked. I'm excited to start new traditions this year and I so cannot wait to see his precious little face on Christmas morning when he sees what he has under the tree! That's part of the magic...the littles!

This whole season, while it can become stressful and busy and filled with way too many things than one can truly accomplish, is exciting to me. My husband and I love this time of year - everything about it. 

It's the season of shopping and spending.
It's the season of giving and receiving.
It's the season of sleigh bells and twinkling lights.
But most importantly for me, it's the season of thanks.

Oh, my....I have so much for which to be thankful. 

I am most thankful for the fact that I have a Savior Who willingly came down from Heaven and was born as a little baby to be my King and one day die for me. I mean, WOW! Talk about humbled!

I have so many blessings in my life and if I tried to name them all, you would be reading forever. 

It's easy to get overwhelmed by the small, minute, honestly insignificant details that go along with this season but I encourage you to keep in mind the real reason. Thanksgiving is not just a meal. It's not just the day before big shopping (or I suppose now the day OF). It's not just one day out of the year. It encompasses the beauty of what this season and our entire lives should be about: being thankful for what we have and who we get to share it with.

Retrieved from: www.metrolifechurch.com

A Parental Confession

Let me preface the following sentence with a disclaimer: it is the understatement of a lifetime.

Being a parent is tough.

That tiny little statement does not even breach the reality of what being a parent is all about and how tough our jobs are.

Parenting period is no small task...but parenting a toddler? It is not for the faint of heart. Apparently, I was a fairly easy child and did not have the terrible two or three tantrums like I am being blessed with as a parent myself right now. Don't get me wrong...I love that little boy of mine with every fiber of my being. But sometimes, I simply don't know.

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.
I don't know if I'm saying the right thing.
I don't know if I'm disciplining in the right way.
I don't know if I'm showing him enough affection and attention.
I don't know if he comprehends how much I truly do love him.
I don't know if I am a good enough mother.

And there you have it. What is "good enough?" Our society seems to be overrun with "mother wars" as I like to call them.

Breastfeed vs. formula
Cloth diaper vs. disposables
Co-sleep vs. independent sleeping
Cry-it-out vs. on demand
All natural everything vs. convenience
Santa vs. no Santa
Vaccinate vs. no vaccinate
Spanking vs. no spanking
Circumcision vs. no circumcision
Stay at home vs. working mom


This list of arguments goes on and on. As mothers, we are the quickest to judge another mother who does things differently than we do. That's why it is so hard to take advice from others these days. Because if you're doing it one way and you seek advice from someone who does it differently, 9 times out of 10, they are going to make you feel inferior. They are going to make it sound like you have been neglecting your child or not raising them properly. In a really nasty nutshell, you'll end up feeling like a bad parent.

But why should you? Do you love your child? Do you provide them with the care they need? Do you feed and clothe them? Do you spend quality time learning about them and teaching them the skills they need to be successful? Isn't that what being a parent is all about?

Am I a bad parent because I only fed him breast milk for the first few months and then went to formula or because I use disposable diapers or because I don't allow him to sleep in bed with us or since I did use a form of cry-it-out or because I tend to buy what's convenient or because I'm going to allow my son to believe in Santa or since we vaccinated him or because we didn't circumcise him or because we do spank him or because I work away from home?

Does any of that make me a "bad parent?" Or make my husband and I bad parents? No. It makes us parents that try to do things that will work for our family. Everyone is different. Every child is different. And everyone is entitled to their own strong opinions as well as making informed decisions. Would I do things a little differently knowing what I know now? Certainly. But I have no regrets.

My number one prayer is that we cultivate the love of God and the love of people in the heart of that precious boy that has been entrusted to us. I pray that he will learn the importance of forgiveness, serving others, and unconditional love from both his father and myself.

If you do things differently, I'm happy for you. If it works for you, then keep on keeping on. Instead of bashing the decisions of other mothers or fathers, we should support them when they are struggling. Instead of saying, "You should do it this way," maybe we should try, "Well this worked well for me. You could try it and see."

I'm tired of seeing the "mommy wars" on facebook and in magazines. We are so judgmental of others - myself included. Let parents be parents - if it's not emotionally, physically, or otherwise hurting the child, let it be. Let's support each other and uplift each other.

My confession to you is that I don't have it all together as a mom. I certainly don't have all the answers. But guess what? Neither do the rest of the parents out there. It's okay to question if you're doing everything right by your child. It's natural. Healthy, even, I would venture. But don't let that stand in the way of standing your ground on how you choose to raise your child. And definitely don't let anyone tell you you're wrong.

The End.

Photo retrieved from www.christianitytoday.com - It's such a great reminder!

The Confession Sessions

Sometimes I think it's a good idea to just sit down and write out a list of confessions. So, in good fun, here are my top 10 confessions as of right now (listed 10-1):

10. I hate yogurt. Like seriously...I have tried multiple flavors. I can't do it. I WANT to like it. I really do. But it's icky. 

9. I love frozen yogurt. Now that is my type of "yogurt." My favorite indulgence is a spontaneous trip to Gelati Joe's for a Snow Yo or to Froyoz for a cup full of flavor and toppings. 

8. I actually watch the shows my son watches...even the ones I've seen over and over. Is there something wrong with me?

7. I'm a rule follower. Seriously, I don't like to break rules and have minor internal melt downs if I find out I've broken a rule. 

6. Number 7 does not apply to the speed limit. That's a rule I generally don't mind breaking...from time to time. :)

5. I'd really like to a run a 5K. I'd really like to be able to run a 5K without any training at all. Possible? Um, no...I'm not crazy. I just want to mark that off my list and I don't want to have to prepare for it. Wah!

4. I have bought 2 bags of assorted chocolate candy bars for my students. I'm on the 2nd bag and I think I can count on 2 hands the amount of candy my students have actually eaten. GET IT OUT OF MY DRAWER!!!

3. When we don't have extra money to spend, I want to spend it. When we do have extra money to spend, I don't want to spend it. Does this strike anyone else as odd and backwards?

2. I wonder how long it will take me to truly realize that half the stuff I pin on pinterest I will never do.  

1. I'm a really good procrastinator...like, I might be the best in the business. Except, I'm starting to feel the effects...which means I probably need to stop doing this right now and go get stuff done. 

The End. 

Image retrieved from "GoogleImages"